5 Home Training Tips For President Trump
“You can pay for school, but you can’t buy class.” – Jay Z (2008)
President Donald Trump: 'The beauty of me is that I’m very rich'
The Founding Fathers of the United States did not have the World Wide Web at the palm of their hands to spew their views like cannons in the Revolutionary War.
Can you imagine the amount of historic shade?
President George Washington could have easily silenced naysayers with one hashtag - #SwornInFirst.
President Thomas Jefferson's email signature, #July21776, could have been the source of the most epic shade in American history.
President Benjamin Franklin could have been found under the alias @MrElectricity or @CNoteFre$h.
Between all of their wives, deadly wars, alleged mistresses and illegitimate children, it’s safe to say that the Real Housewives of the 13 Colonies would have been an Andy Cohen wet dream come to life.
Now, back to these tips…
In order to send someone a 140-character message back in 1776, you first had to grab a silver dip-pen and write your note on a sheet of hemp paper. Even more exasperating to Millennials who rely on instant gratification, it could take up to 14 days for your letter to make it to the receiver (and that’s within a 100-mile radius). This timeline would be perfect for President Trump's administration, allowing Kellyanne Conway at least two weeks to produce 'alternative facts'.
As Americans strive to make our country great again (cough, cough), I thought it would be beneficial to provide five simple home training tips for the current commander-in-chief to follow on and offline.
1. DO NOT ASSUME. When you ASSume, you make a donkey out of yourself (quiet as kept). During a press conference, Trump raised eyebrows when he asked an African American reporter to schedule a meeting with the Congressional Black Caucus because he thought she was friends with the members of the organization. He also asked this question during Black History Month. Strike two.
2. DO NOT BULLY. A president (or anyone with human decency) should not use Twitter (or any other platform) to intimidate people, especially department stores because of a corporate decision to not carry a particular clothing line (Ivanka Trump). There are thousands of things on a president's to-do list, including decreasing the national debt, creating job opportunities, protecting LGBT rights, reducing gun violence, and the list goes "On & On" like Erykah Badu.
3. DO NOT IGNORE THE FIRST LADY. A gentleman should always walk alongside his wife, preferably on the outside closest to the street. He should always help her remove her coat and open the door for her as a sign of protection and strength. After watching Trump and Melania on Inauguration Day, I believe a refresher course would not hurt. Now, I’m not saying the current first lady should drop a Lemonade-inspired visual album to demand some respect, but I am saying that Melania was treated a lot better by the Obama family than her own husband.
4. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR MANNERS AT THE DOOR. Although some parents would disagree, saying thank you and please does not end in high school. Trump is notorious for bickering with reporters at conferences and calling them 'fake news' when he does not agree with their set of facts. Adults can agree to disagree, but Trump will disagree if you don't agree with his views. Being a good listener is a good habit to maintain, especially if you're the Leader of the Free World.
5. DO NOT GRAB PEOPLE BY THEIR GENITALS UNLESS GIVEN PERMISSION. It is never acceptable to sexually assault someone. Period.
What do you think about the tips, President Trump?
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