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'Tis the season to exchange thoughtful gifts, sing a jolly tune, and of course, get into such a massive argument with family that it ultimately ruins the entire holiday!
Hm, ironic that Christmas has people reaching their boiling point during the coldest month of the year. Sure, Christmas is a joyful and exhilarating time (uussuuallly), but all the extra stress and expectation on top of an already busy schedule can be overwhelming. These elevated emotions might lead to decking the halls...with disaster.
That's just what happened in today's Christmas themed tale from the internet's favorite judge, jury, and executioner: the Am I The Asshole? subreddit. Reddit user u/urclassicspot posted her humbug holiday experience to ask, "Am I the asshole for ruining my daughter's first Christmas?"
"I (30F) tried to surprise my family (27M and daughter 1F) by putting the Christmas tree up before my they woke up."
"When he saw the tree," She continued, "He scoffed and said, 'You put up the tree without us?' He then had an attitude all day and pushed me to apologize for putting the tree up without them because 'it was tradition.'"
"He hasn’t even mentioned anything about [putting up the tree] as a family. I had enough. I grabbed the tree and put it away. He then yelled at me for being childish, said he was going to cancel [our vacation], and that I ruined our first daughter’s Christmas. Am I the asshole for putting the tree away?"
Some responses are confident that she's the one in the wrong here:
"I actually kinda agree with the partner. What's up with putting up the tree yourself? When he objected to you doing it, you TOOK IT DOWN AND PUT IT AWAY?! WTF? What did that fix?"
"I don't know why you couldn't just say, 'Sorry! I didn't know!' What is wrong with people these days? No one apologizes for anything — even when it's simple and would end the conflict. So much drama and need to be 'right.' You're the asshole for escalating something so ridiculous."
"You're the asshole for being so childish about it. It sounds like your partner was excited to do the tree as a family and was bummed when you did it alone. You couldn't acknowledge his feelings and instead pulled the whole thing down again. Childish!"
Sure, her intentions were kind. She wanted to do something sentimental to surprise her family. She was upset that the gesture wasn't received quite the way she intended by her partner, but did his negative response truly justify her going full Grinch mode?
People are extremely divided about who's in the wrong here. Lots of commenters believe he is the asshole in this situation:
"She put the tree away after getting bitched at by the guy that apparently has never helped her put it up before they had a kid AND also never told her about how it’s some kind of family tradition!? On what planet does that make her an asshole?!"
"Your husband sounds ridiculously immature. Also, your child is only one. They are not going to remember any of this. Tell your husband to grow up."
"If you've always put the tree up on your own and he never mentioned putting up the tree as a family, then he should have no reasonable expectation to do it together. Maybe there's something else going on and he's using the tree as something to focus on? It could be as simple as stress from having an infant, because the first year is tough! Instead of calmly pulling you aside and working as a team to resolve it, he intentionally tried to get an emotional response from you by saying you ruined your child's Christmas. Could you have responded better? Sure. But, when you're pushed and pushed and pushed, people snap. It's emotional manipulation."
Yeah, her partner definitely didn't handle the situation phenomenally. Is scoffing and yelling really what the holidays are all about? Or even a healthy way to communicate with your partner any day of the year? I don't think so!
One possibility is that everyone mishandled the situation:
"Everyone sucks here. I worry for the child to have such immature parents."
"Your partner's initial reaction was negative, but grabbing and putting away the tree escalated the situation. Communication is key to resolving conflicts."
"I kinda feel like everyone sucks here (except the baby). He acted like a child by being so angry when he could have easily explained what an important tradition that is to him and why he was hurt. You acted like a child by disregarding that he had a right to be upset and then putting it away."
My take: Each of them are "wrong" in their own way. No one communicated in a healthy manner from the very start and everyone got hurt. This couple became sooo wrapped up in one-upping each other with negativity that they forgot the main focus all along was supposed to be their daughter. Hopefully they are able to work on their communication skills to avoid situations becoming this escalated in the future!
