1. You begin to feel this strange, foreign concept called "happiness"???
2. Text message sent to best friend approximately 2 minutes post-date: "DO YOU WANNA HEAR HOW IT WENT"
3. "The date went well!" you write, which is essentially code for "I've found ~the~ one!!! But I'll never admit it!!!"
4. You immediately conduct important scientific research to see if you and your date are astrologically compatible.
5. You replay the whole night in your head, rehearsing it to perfection so you can later recite the tale to numerous friends and 300 Twitter followers.
6. You conduct yet another social media sweep on him just for extra measure.
7. But then, the emotional crisis ensues: who will send the follow-up text?
8. Sometime between your third and fourth glass of merlot, you anxiously ask yourself: "Should I text him first???"
9. Is it appropriate to use a smiley emoji yet? Smiley with tongue? "heyyy" vs "hey!"? Does the sound of "I had a fun time tonight" make you want to drink a gallon of bleach???
10. Or do I wait and let him text???
11. Too late. You've already drafted the text* and are now working on your sixth glass of merlot.
12. 11:12 PM: right as you are *about* to hit send — he texts — about a SECOND DATE.
13. You re-read the text approximately 72 times. Life feels surreal.
14. You finish the bottle of merlot and fall asleep dreaming about ~the second date~
15. ... Plot twist! He'll end up ghosting and you'll suddenly find yourself contemplating the meaning of love at 1:34 AM while eating mozzarella sticks in your underwear.
16. (Not like you're surprised or anything...)
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