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Posted on Feb 2, 2021

I Sorted All Of Taylor Swift's Songs Into The Hogwarts Houses So You Don't Have To

I believe Miss Swift herself is a Slytherin, just saying.

by KelseyAngela13

Community Contributor

Deluxe songs have been included as well, but no singles like "Only The Young", songs written for movies like "Safe and Sound", or acoustic versions.

I'll probably give an explanation for most of the songs, but I feel like some of the placements will speak for themselves.

"Long Live" is the most Gryffindor song I've ever heard in my life. A warrior/soldier/knight looks back at their accomplishments and asks to be remembered forever? The narrator of this song could easily be the Triwizard Tournament Champion.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "When they point to the pictures / Please tell them my name"

I mean, isn't being fearless the exact essence of what it means to be a Gryffindor? Taking someone's hand and getting dragged head first while dancing in the rain in your best dress? This songs reeks of Gryffindor qualities.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "And you know I wanna ask you to dance right there / In the middle of a parking lot, yeah"

This is the bravest song Taylor has ever put out, instantly earning it a spot in Gryffindor.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "But you keep my old scarf from that very first week / 'Cause it reminds you have innocence and it smells like me"

This song is a different kind of brave. It's the kind you need when you have to admit you've done something wrong. Especially since the narrator is clearly in the wrong for abandoning Betty all summer?? That is such a Gryffindor move.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "I don't know anything but I know I miss you"

This one could be the theme song to Order of the Phoenix.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "They might be bigger / But we're faster and never scared"

Although the narrator claims they don't need it... I'm not buying it. Sounds like someone who's just too stubborn to admit they actually liked that their ex reached out. Also, this is totally a Gryffindor singing about a Ravenclaw.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "I'm fine with my spite / And my tears and my beers and my candles"

This narrator apologizes for being the reason why a relationship failed, but doesn't fully understand why they were the reason. Enough said.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "Did I close my fist around something delicate? / Did I shatter you?"

It's chaotic, impulsive, passionate, reckless, and exciting. Just like a Gryffindor.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "What doesn't kill makes me want you more"

Diving into a relationship that already started off on the wrong foot? Yeah, this one wouldn't even get the hat on all the way before it shouted out "Gryffindor!" Oh, and it's for sure about a Gryffindor/Slytherin love affair.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "I'm a mess but I'm the mess that you wanted"

It's Taylor's most dramatic track which makes it a Gryffindor, easily.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "Gave you too much, but it wasn't enough / But I'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts"

I believe this is a Gryffindor singing about another Gryffindor. Only that pairing could believe their night would be ~sparkling~ upon meeting each other.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "The lingering question kept me up / Two a.m, who you do you love? / I wonder till I'm wide awake"

This songs gives the same vibes as "Long Live", but this time the narrator looks back on the best parts of a past relationship.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "And darling it was good / Never looking down / And right there where we stood / Was holy ground"

Tell me this song doesn't scream Golden Trio?? It just feels too adventurous to be in any other house.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground"

Gryffindors are the only people who are too stubborn to leave a lot of things unsaid. Hufflepuffs love talking about their feelings, Ravenclaws are smart enough and rational enough to respond and not react, and Slytherins will always have the last word so this song doesn't apply to any of them.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "You think I'm gonna hate you now / Cause you still don't know what I never said"

I feel like this song is the Hermione Granger of songs so there might have been a Hatstall between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor, but it would ultimately end up in Gryffindor.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "I'd be a fearless leader / I'd be an alpha type"

This is the result of that Gryffindor/Slytherin betrayal we talked about in "Bad Blood" except in this version, the Gryffindor died.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "And if I'm on fire / You'll be made of ashes, too"

Pretty much all the reasons why "Cruel Summer" is in this House.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "We need love, but all we want is danger"

A Gryffindor slams the door in their Hufflepuff's face knowing that no matter how crazy they act, their loyal companion will quite literally be on the other side of the door.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "Me and my stupid pride are sitting here alone"

Setting a picture of an ex on fire after a relationship fails just feels very Gryffindor. Although this song certainly would've had a Hatstall between Gryffindor and Slytherin with lyrics like, "There's no time for tears / I'm just sitting here planning my revenge".

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "I realize you love yourself more than you could ever love me"

This one was tough, but I ultimately went with Gryffindor because I thought to myself: which House would be so unwilling to move on from the past? So, I had to go with the most dramatic one, of course.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "'Cause I'm right where I cause no harm"

Only a Gryffindor would interrupt a wedding. No debate.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "Don't wait or say a single vow / You need to hear me out"

The Gryffindor-iest lyric says it all.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "The night we snuck into a yacht club party / Pretending to be a duchess and a prince"

Can't you just hear Harry singing this about Cho? Seriously, how did they go so wrong so fast?

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "This is looking like a contest / Of who can act like they care less"

This is the result of that Gryffindor/Slytherin betrayal we talked about in "Bad Blood" and "my tears ricochet" except in this version the Gryffindor gives the Slytherin one more chance... only to be betrayed again.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "Did you think I wouldn't hear all the things you said about me?"

A Gryffindor singing about how their new relationship with a Hufflepuff is not measuring up to their past relationship with a Slytherin. A classic love triangle.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain"

See "I Knew You Were Trouble."

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "That nothing safe is worth the drive"

I can't explain it, it just is a Gryffindor.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "I'm really gonna miss you picking fights / And me, falling for it screaming that I'm right"

This song commands the attention of all of its listeners, just like a Gryffindor.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "Like any true love, it drives you crazy"

Hermione could easily sing this about Ron... although Ron was probably singing it about Hermione before her. Either way, it makes a very good addition to the Gryffindor soundtrack.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "Dreamin' 'bout the day when you wake up and find / That what you're looking for has been here the whole time"

Gryffindors can start parades just as effectively as they start revolutions.

Gryffindor-iest Lyric: "And snakes and stones never broke my bones"

Child-like wonder, innocence, and gratitude. This is Taylor Swift's Puffiest song.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "And Daddy's smart and you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world"

I believe this song perfectly depicts the relationship between a Hufflepuff and a Slytherin, from the Hufflepuff's point of view, obviously. It's the exact words a Hufflepuff would use to put their mind at ease.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "I'll fight their doubt and give you faith with this song for you"

The concept of someone just simply saying, "all you had to do was be brave enough to fight for this relationship" is very, very Hufflepuff.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "And people like me wanna believe you when you've say you've changed"

All this narrator wants is to be seen and loved. A very small ask considering the person they're singing about has spent the whole summer with them.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "Wanting was enough / For me, it was enough"

It's the optimistic outlook on life for me. Only something a true Hufflepuff would have.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "Feeling lucky today, got the sunshine / Could you tell me what more do I need?"

I mean... it's in the title.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "Why would you want to make the very first scar?"

It's not necessarily a bad thing but Hufflepuff's are for sure the needy friend. You know, the one that's a little too codependent? Again, not a bad thing, just an observation.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt"

It just gives you that warm and fuzzy feeling... just like a cardigan... just like a Hufflepuff.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "When you are young, they assume you know nothing"

The narrator sings about not being able to fathom something so dark and gloomy happening, that it changes a person for the worst. An incident as dark and gloomy as I don't know... He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named? Possibly.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died, for you"

This is the same "Oh no, I've gotten attached and I can't get up!" narrative we saw in "Breathe". One of Hufflepuff's character flaws. (It's okay, we all have them).

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "I can't help but wish you took me with you"

This song sings about intense loyalty and passionate love. That hat would simply look at this song and scream HUFFLEPUFF!

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "I hope I never lose you / I'd never walk Cornelia Street again"

The narrator promises Dorothea that whenever she is back in their hometown, she will always have a life long friend there waiting for her. I mean... it's a Puff.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "And I got nothing but well-wishes for ya"

This is a Hufflepuff/Gryffindor relationship breaking down for sure.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "Did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide / Like a scared little boy"

Cedric Diggory aside, the only house I can see getting tongue-tied around their crush is Hufflepuff. (Even though Harry totally butchered asking Cho to the dance).

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "You should take it as a compliment / That I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk"

Okay, not to mention him twice in a row... but this song is about Cedric Diggory.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "Hey Stephen, I know looks can be deceiving / But I know I saw a light in you"

I don't think this one needs an explanation.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "Say its been a long six months / And you were too afraid to tell her what you want"

Truth be told, this one was very hard to place but I ultimately put it in Hufflepuff because of the getting-swept-off-of-their-feet jitters the narrator describes with such delight and sass.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "I think he knows / He better lock it down / Or I won't stick around / Cause good ones never wait"

This narrator is certainly someone who still believes in happy endings, easily making them a Hufflepuff.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "Come back, come back, come back to me like / You could, you could, if you just said you're sorry"

It's sweet. That's pretty much the only qualification.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "We could be a beautiful, miracle, unbelievable / Instead of just invisible"

A very picturesque destiny that's filled with romance and once again, optimism.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "Cold was the steel of my axe to grind / For the boys who broke my heart / Now I send their babies presents"

Again, it's in the title.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "Twenty questions, we tell the truth / You've been stressed out lately? Yeah, me too"

I think this is a Hufflepuff finding love in a Hufflepuff while tragically being trapped in a regretful relationship with a Gryffindor.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "Oh, I can't / Stop you putting roots in my dreamland"

The more of these "I'm just so smitten with you, I don't see any of your flaws" songs I put in Hufflepuff, the more I realize that "honeymoon stage" must last the entire relationship if you're with a Puff.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "Every time you smile, I smile"

It's sad to think about a heartbroken Hufflepuff.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "I'm not much for dancing / But for you I did"

The "shamelessly crushing on someone" narrative, except British edition.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "Like a child when our eyes meet, darling I fancy you"

Someone who's gone through some much and didn't allow it to change their outlook on life or love? Say it with me... HUFFLEPUFF!

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "No more keepin' score / Now I just keep you warm"

I believe that Romeo was a Slytherin and Juliet was a Hufflepuff. What else would make them star-crossed lovers?

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess"

Every high school sweetheart relationship is a Hufflepuff/Hufflepuff pairing. Don't you forget it.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "Said you'd beat me up, you were bigger than me / You never did, you never did"

This song was also in the running to be one of the House Prefects. I think that's all that needs to be said.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "And I promise that nobody's gonna love you like me"

If you didn't see this song in this House and immediately go, "well, yeah duh!" I think you need to re-read the books.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "Somebody made you cold, but the cycle ends right now / Cause you can't lead me down that road"

"You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter" makes me believe that this is a Hufflepuff/Slytherin affair.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "I was a flight risk, with a fear of falling / Wondering why we bother with love, if it never lasts"

There's something (sad) beautifully tragic about feeling like the person who has to be happy all the time to make the group feel better, and unfortunately, I think that burden has unfairly fallen upon Hufflepuff House.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "I'm still a believer but I don't know why"

A Hufflepuff is truly that friend who sticks around after the party to help you clean up the glitter on the floor and the bottles that are everywhere.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "But I stay when it's hard or it's wrong or we're making mistakes"

You can't tell if they're in the honeymoon stage, the married stage, or if they're only a few months in. I guess that's the beauty about being with a Hufflepuff.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "He's got a one hand feel, on the steering wheel / The other on my heart"

Upon reading the lyrics again, I think this one would have had a Hatstall between Hufflepuff and Slytherin because the narrator of this song could be a Hufflepuff or Draco Malfoy, as he wrestles with his demons during the entirety of Half Blood Prince.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "You could have helped if you had wanted to / But no one notices until it's too late to do anything"

Hufflepuff is the only House that truly lacks vanity, superficiality, and materialism.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "I'm with you even if it makes me blue"

See "The Best Day".

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "Passed down like folk songs / Our love lasts so long"

All the houses experience loss, but the Hufflepuff-iest lyric is what makes this song a part of Hufflepuff House.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "I'll paint the kitchen neon, I'll brighten up the sky / I know I'll never get it, there's not a day that I won't try"

This song would have had a Hatstall between Hufflepuff and Gryffindor. Although, a Gryffindor would never compare themselves to a house of cards, so this song belongs in Hufflepuff. Either way, the narrator is clearly singing about a Slytherin in the lyric "Its just wrong enough to make it feel right".

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "You find I'm even better than you, imagined I would be"

One of those optimistic, "I'll always see the best in you" tracks. A Hufflepuff quality, for sure.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "I'm taking pictures in my mind / So I can save them for a rainy day"

This is that relationship we talked about in "All You Had To Do Was Stay" except in this version, they stayed. ("They" are totally a Gryffindor).

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "I just like hanging out with you, all the time"

Just because someone is a Hufflepuff, it does not automatically mean they are a damsel in distress... expect in this case. Also the line, "he's got his mother's eyes, his father's ambition" basically sums up the way every adult describes Harry in every book.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "Something in his deep brown eyes has me singin' / He's not all bad like his reputation"

Gryffindors/Slytherins believe themselves to be the "superstar" and Ravenclaws are too well adjusted to pine after someone who will undoubtedly never notice them. Therefore making this narrator, a Hufflepuff.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "I'm no one special, just another wide-eyed girl / Who's desperately in love with you"

This is that Hufflepuff/Slytherin relationship we talked about in "Love Story" except in this version, the Hufflepuff pays the price.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "Why, do you have to make me feel small / So you can feel whole inside?"

This narrator reassures their friend, who is barely keeping it together, that they have more to offer this world than they think. We all need a Hufflepuff in our life.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "You walk around here thinking you're not pretty / But that's not true, 'cause I know you"

This narrator is quite literally, painting the kitchen neon and brightening up the sky, but their lover just doesn't see it. Luckily at the end of the song, our Hufflepuff realizes that they deserve better.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "I know my love should be celebrated"

This is pure infatuation that sounds so, for lack of a better word, ~magical~.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "It's half full and I won't wait here all day / I know you're saying that you'd be here anyway"

All of the reasons why "cardigan", "invisible string", "It's Nice To Have A Friend", "Our Song", and "Stay Beautiful" are in this House.

Hufflepuff-iest Lyric: "Pauses then says, "you're my best friend" / And you knew what it was, he is in love"

This song is one of the House Prefects for a multitude of reasons. It's all about growing up, learning from your mistakes, and imparting wisdom to future generations. It's feels like a big sister giving you advice.

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "I've found time can heal most anything"

This song is most definitely a Prefect because it comments on the flaws of American politics by comparing it to a high school love affair. It's pure genius.

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "The whole school is rolling fake dice / You play stupid games you win stupid prizes"

This song is full of maturity and growth, earning it a spot in Ravenclaw House.

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "In my defense, I have none / For never leaving well enough alone"

It truly takes a well adjusted person to apologize to someone for not loving them back. It takes an equally well adjusted person to actually show up and listen to the apology, making me believe that this was a Ravenclaw/Ravenclaw romance.

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't / So if the chain is on your door, I understand"

This narrator is someone who's been hurt, but not so badly that they turn evil, lose all of their optimism, or completely lash out. This narrator looks at a budding new relationship through a very rational and practical lens.

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "We tell stories and you don't know why / I'm coming off a little shy, but I do"

This narrator has risen above all of the speculation, judgment, and criticism of her most recent relationship. It certainly would have had a Hatstall between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff but the cold edge this song has compared to "Ours" makes it a Ravenclaw.

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "Slowly I said, "you don't need to save me / But would you run away with me?""

There is starting to be an obvious pattern here... any song where you can hear the narrator has learned a lesson and grown from it, pretty much guarantees it a spot in Ravenclaw. The interesting thing with rain is Gryffindors/Slytherins will complain about it, Hufflepuffs will dance in it, but Ravenclaws know it is bound to pass.

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "Ten months older I won't give in / Now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it"

Speaking of rain... a slightly more pessimistic narrator gives their lover one last chance to make them a priority, clearly not expecting much. This song is in Ravenclaw because there's no wide-eyed hopefulness in it, a wiser Swift is simply saying "it is what it is".

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "But I'll leave my window open / 'Cause I'm too tired at night for all these games"

Another "lesson learned" track that isn't mourning the regret of past mistakes, but is celebrating a new outlook on life.

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "I'll tell you the truth, but never, "Goodbye""

Although this narrator sounds like a young, naive girl who fell for an older man, if you listen closer you realize she is more of an adult than this "John" character ever could be. Despite being in love with him, she out-smarts him and defeats him at his own game.

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "Never impressed by me acing your tests"

Someone who's using their very limited free time to think of solutions is a Ravenclaw.

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "Only 20 minutes to sleep / But you dream of some epiphany"

Ravenclaws are the only ones I could see getting this caught off guard by love. Their faces are obviously too busy being buried in books.

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "Is I know something now / Know something now I didn't before"

This narrator is not obtuse enough to believe all the b.s this gentlemen is trying to bait her with. She's bold and snarky which doesn't make her a Hufflepuff.

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "And it would be a fine proposition / If I was a stupid girl"

I believe this is a Ravenclaw singing about a Gryffindor.

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "At dinner parties, I call you out on your contrarian shit"

This narrator is practicing the same restraint evident in "gold rush" except in this version, she's being a bit more obvious about it.

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "I bet / You think I either moved on or hate / Cause each time you reach out there's no reply"

This narrator has to use some kind of smarts in order to win this on-going battle they're seemingly having with the whole world.

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "Loose lips sink ships all the damn time, not this time"

This is a song that demonstrates the curse of having too much knowledge. This narrator wishes they could just play the naive fool, but unfortunately they do not have that luxury.

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "Sometimes giving up is the strong thing"

This song was THE hardest song to sort. I ultimately went with Ravenclaw because of the first couple of lines. This narrator has grown, she's found herself and now she's ready to fall in love again. Not all Ravenclaws are stone cold bookworms!!

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "I made up my mind, I'm better off being alone"

This song has too many big words in it for it not to be a Ravenclaw. In fact, it was in the running to be one of the Prefects.

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "Take me to lakes where all the poets went to die"

This jaded spirit sings about the realities of stardom. It's cynical, realistic, and blunt.

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "And it took some time, but I understand it now"

I think the Ravenclaw-iest lyric says it all.

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "Never be so clever, you forget to be kind"

It's just so honest and raw. It says, this is what happened and this is what I wished happened.

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "I try not to fall apart / As the sinking feeling starts / And I say hopelessly / "He said he'd be here""

Another Hatstall between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, but pretty much all the reasons why "Fifteen" is in this House.

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "Don't you ever grow up / It could stay this simple"

They say if you love something you should let it go. Ravenclaws are equally good at listening to advice as they are at giving it.

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "When you're young, you just run / But you come back to what you need"

There's a very harmless malicious intent in this song. Ravenclaw is the only House that would write down their quarrels in a letter instead of screaming them out recklessly, pretending they don't exist, or using them for the worse.

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "He said the way my blues eyes shined / Put those Georgia stars to shame that night / I said "That's a lie""

A rude awakening, even for a Ravenclaw.

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "Maybe I was naive, got lost in your eyes / And never really had a chance"

Pretty much the same reason why "Come In With the Rain" is in this House.

Ravenclaw-iest Lyric: "Looking so innocent / I might believe you if I didn't know"

There will be no explanation. There will just be reputation.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me"

I like the idea of a Slytherin making a mockery of their stereotype. Oh, you think I'm evil? Watch how evil I can be.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "'Cause, darling, I'm nightmare dressed like a daydream"

This narrator is clearly the reason why this relationship is going through a rough patch. Is is because of childhood trauma? A messy break-up from the past? A combination of both? Either way, it is certainly not an admission a Gryffindor would make.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "Tell me that's it not my fault / Tell me that I'm all you want / Even when I break your heart"

Slytherins are the only ones I could imagine asking the tough questions like "Who could ever leave me darling? / But who could stay?"

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "'Cause all of my enemies started out friends"

I mean... where else was this one gonna go?

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "She underestimated just who she was stealing from"

A classic case of not accepting love because you don't think you deserve it. And besides, this narrator had no idea their significant other was planning on purposing? They waited until they were literally down on one knee? Hm. Suspicious.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "But you'll find the real thing instead / She'll patch up your tapestry that I shred"

A Slytherin has met their match by falling for another Slytherin. Will they join forces to con the rich and make out like bandits? Or will old habits creep in and cause an ultimate betrayal? Stay tuned.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "And the old men I've swindled / Really did believe I was the one"

This narrator is the complete opposite, they've heard the whispers on the streets and they own them. Bad-ass if you ask me.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "I once was poison ivy, but now I'm your daisy"

You tryna slytherin? Ha ha. Get it?

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "Even in my worst times, you could see the best in me"

Slytherins are full on ride or die kind of friends. That's why they get along with Hufflepuffs so well.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "And I bury hatchets but I keep maps of where I put'em"

This narrator has truly lost their way and has turned to a more pessimistic outlook on life. Luckily by the end of the song, they've come to their senses, but not before taking some truly dark turns.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "Sending signals / To be double-crossed"

This is a Slytherin/Slytherin relationship coming to end. You can hear it in the Slytherin-iest Lryic.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "I can see you starin' honey / Like he's just your understudy / Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me"

This song reeks of a scandalous Slytherin/Gryffindor love affair. In fact, it would have had a Hatstall between the two boldest, most daring, and most aggressive Houses.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "Remember how I said I'd die for you?"

A very close Prefect for this House. Using the getaway car to escape the relationship you started in that same getaway car? Talk about being resourceful.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "It's no surprise I turned you in / 'Cause us traitors never win"

This is that Slytherin/Gryffindor relationship we talked about in "False God" except in this version, it takes a spooky turn.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "You and I walk a fragile line / I have known it all this time / But I never thought I'd live to see it break"

This is that Slytherin/Slytherin relationship we talked about in "cowboy like me" except this was the alternate ending with the ultimate betrayal.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "You knew won, so what's the point of keeping score?"

Obviously there's been a lot of songs from Taylor's edgiest era and this one is a little on the nose for Slytherin House, but it works.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "If a man talks shit, then I owe him nothing / I don't regret it one bit, 'cause he had it coming"

Only a Slytherin would make that abundantly clear to an ex.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "And I would've stuck around for ya / Would've fought the whole town, so yeah"

This is a tortuous kind of love, one that the narrator keeps going back to. Something a Slytherin could only do to another Slytherin.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "And you know damn well / For you I would ruin myself / A million little times"

Okay this song had a Hatstall between Hufflepuff and Slytherin, but I ultimately went with Slytherin because I couldn't stop picturing Draco Malfoy while I was listening to it.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "Wasn't it beautiful runnin' wild 'til you fell asleep / Before the monsters caught up to you?"

Rebekha Harkness is a Slytherin. She is the cowboy in "cowboy like me". PERIOD.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "She had marvelous time ruining everything"

Both narrators sound very empty in their begs and pleas, almost as if they know they're going unheard and uncared for. It's dark and hopeless, and therefore it unfortunately could not go in any other House.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "You wear your best apology / But I was there to watch you leave"

You can taste the venom in this one. This snake is surely striking back.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "Does a scorpion sting when fighting back? / They strike to kill, and you know I will"

You can always count on your Slytherin friend to avenge your wrongful death. Remember that.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "She thinks I did it, but she just can't prove it"

There's a power struggle in this song and we all know how much Slytherins love their power.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "I walked out, I said "I'm setting you free / But the monsters turned out to be just trees / When the sun came out you were looking at me"

Another song that I think could easily be narrated by Draco Malfoy. This is a Slytherin with their guard down.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me / Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?"

Another mournful ballad, another member of the silver and green.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "And you've got your demons / And darling they all look like me"

There's that ultimate betrayal we talked about in "cowboy like me" and "Haunted". Fortunately for our narrator, Slytherins always get the last word.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "Was it worth it? / Was she worth this?"

It's sexy and wickedly fun.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "You know I'm not a bad girl / But I do bad things with you"

I just feel like this song is the perfect analogy for the world's fascination with Slytherin House. Everyone just wants to figure out, are they good? Are they evil? Are they all the same? Either way, everyone always comes crawling back for more.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "Long drive, could end in burning flames or paradise"

This is a Slytherin who is surely trying to overcome the bad reputation that coexists with being a Slytherin. But hey, at least they're trying.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad / I have a lot of regrets about that"

Only a Slytherin could, not only give a relationship terms and conditions, but also an unavoidable expiration date. They will always tell you exactly what they want whether you like it or not.

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "If I wanted to know who you were hanging with / While I was gone I would have asked you"

We love a Hatstall between Gryffindor and Slytherin but what makes this song a Slytherin is the last sentence at the end of the bridge: "we both went mad".

Slytherin-iest Lryic: "You searched the world for something else / To make you feel like what we had"

I Sorted All Of Taylor Swift's Songs Into The Hogwarts Houses So You Don't Have To

For the purpose of this list I only sorted the songs that are on her 9 main albums: Taylor Swift, Fearless, Speak Now, Red, 1989, reputation, Lover, folklore and evermore.

I also assigned each house two "Prefects" because I believe she has 8 songs that are the epitome of each of the Houses. So baby let the games begin, as they say.

Gryffindor

Prefect: Long Live (Speak Now, 2010)

Prefect: Fearless (Fearless, 2008)

All Too Well (Red, 2012)

Bad Blood (1989, 2014)

betty (folklore, 2020)

Change (Fearless, 2008)

closure (evermore, 2020)

coney island (feat. The National) (evermore, 2020)

Cruel Summer (Lover, 2019)

Dancing With Our Hands Tied (reputation, 2017)

Death By A Thousand Cuts (Lover, 2019)

Enchanted (Speak Now, 2010)

Holy Ground (Red, 2012)

I Knew You Were Trouble. (Red, 2012)

I'm Only Me When I'm With You (Taylor Swift, 2006)

I Wish You Would (1989, 2014)

The Man (Lover, 2019)

my tears ricochet (folklore, 2020)

New Romantics (1989 Deluxe Edition, 2014)

The Other Side of the Door (Fearless Platinum Edition, 2009)

Picture to Burn (Taylor Swift, 2006)

Red (Red, 2012)

right where you left me (evermore (deluxe version), 2020)

Speak Now (Speak Now, 2010)

Starlight (Red, 2012)

The Story of Us (Speak Now, 2010)

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things (reputation, 2017)

The Way I Loved You (Fearless, 2008)

Treacherous (Red, 2012)

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together (Red, 2012)

Welcome To New York (1989, 2014)

You Belong With Me (Fearless, 2008)

You Need To Calm Down (Lover, 2019)

Hufflepuff

Prefect: The Best Day (Fearless, 2008)

Prefect: Ours (Speak Now Target Edition, 2010)

22 (Red, 2012)

All You Had To Do Was Stay (1989, 2014)

august (folklore, 2020)

A Place In This World (Taylor Swift, 2006)

A Perfectly Good Heart (Taylor Swift Bonus Track Version, 2006)

Breathe (feat. Colbie Caillat) (Fearless, 2008)

cardigan (folklore, 2020)

Cold As You (Taylor Swift, 2006)

Come Back... Be Here (Red Deluxe Edition, 2012)

Cornelia Street (Lover, 2019)

dorothea (evermore, 2020)

Forever and Always (Fearless, 2008)

Gorgeous (reputation, 2017)

Hey Stephen (Fearless, 2008)

How To Get the Girl (1989, 2014)

I Think He Knows (Lover, 2019)

If This Was A Movie (Speak Now Target Edition, 2011)

Invisible (Taylor Swift Bonus Track Version, 2006)

invisible string (folklore, 2020)

It's Nice To Have A Friend (Lover, 2019)

ivy (evermore, 2020)

Jump Then Fall (Fearless Platinum Edition, 2009)

Last Kiss (Speak Now, 2010)

London Boy (Lover, 2019)

long story short (evermore, 2020)

Lover (Lover, 2019)

Love Story (Fearless, 2008)

Mary's Song (Oh My My My) (Taylor Swift, 2006)

ME! (feat. Brandon Urie of Panic! At The Disco) (Lover, 2019)

Mean (Speak Now, 2010)

Mine (Speak Now, 2010)

mirrorball (folklore, 2020)

New Year's Day (reputation, 2017)

Our Song (Taylor Swift, 2006)

The Outside (Taylor Swift, 2006)

Paper Rings (Lover, 2019)

seven (folklore, 2020)

Shake It Off (1989, 2014)

Soon You'll Get Better (feat. Dixie Chicks) (Lover, 2019)

Sparks Fly (Speak Now, 2010)