68 Things That Are Less Confusing Than March Madness

Bigfoot, for example.

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1. How mankind discovered milking cows.

2. What the Sorting Hat does for the other 364 days of the year.

3. The last days of Edgar Allan Poe.

4. That black-and-white video of strangers making out.

5. Religion.

6. The inner motives of giant squid.

7. Men.

8. Women.

9. The fickle affections of a house cat.

10. Changing a tire (if you don't know how to change a tire).

11. The currency exchange rate.

12. Selena taking Justin back.

13. Insurance rates.

14. Stonehenge.

15. Daylight Saving Time.

16. The vastness of the universe.

17. Glassblowing.

18. Crop signs.

19. The concept of infinity.

20. How cell phones work.

21. Politics.

22. Platypuses.

23. The construction of the Great Pyramid of Giza.

24. The plot of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy.

25. Figuring out where Atlantis went.

26. The Loch Ness Monster.

27. Deboning a duck.

28. Kate Middleton's hair.

29. Tom Cruise's off-center teeth.

30. Blue Ivy's perpetual scowl.

31. The existence of alien life.

32. How to beat yourself at tic-tac-toe.

33. The creation of human life.

34. Bigfoot.

35. Schrödinger's cat.

36. Russell Brand's hair.

37. How The Doctor regenerates.

38. Evolution.

39. Marriage.

40. Death.

41. Folding a fitted bedsheet.

42. The Lost finale.

43. The consistency of the human soul.

44. Robin Thicke's career.

45. The financial crisis of 2007.

46. Ke$ha's teeth art.

47. The unexplored depths of the ocean.

48. The infinite melancholy of Keanu Reeves.

49. How bread becomes toast.

50. The human brain.

51. Pitching a tent.

52. Modern art.

53. The Room.

54. Buffy and Angel's relationship.

55. The lines on a football field.

56. Youths.

57. Method acting.

58. Scientology.

59. Spending the exact amount of money on a gift card.

60. William Shatner's rendition of "Rocket Man."

61. Sallie Mae.

62. Customer service hotlines.

63. Solving a Rubik's cube.

64. Male turtlenecks.

65. How to politely eat spaghetti.

66. House mortgages.

67. Crocs.

68. How Moriarty could have possibly survived at the end of Season 2.