Hello and welcome. I am here today to blow your mind with some simple math. This is Jeffrey Lynn Goldblum, who you probably know simply as Jeff Goldblum, Hottest And Most Charming Man Alive:
Jeffrey Lynn Goldblum was born on October 22, 1952. Now, if you don't have a calculator on hand, allow me to save you some precious time. By my calculations, that makes our beloved Jeffrey Lynn 65 years old.
In light of this math, many questions spring to mind, such as "How?" and "What?" and "No?"
As you can tell by taking one quick, cursory glance at sweet Jeff, he cannot be 65 years old.
Look, 65 is not necessarily "old," however, there is no way in hell THIS MAN is 65 years old.
I am a 29-year-old woman and I'm pretty sure Jeff Goldblum is at least a couple years younger than me.
Perhaps our Jeffrey Lynn is not a man at all.
Perhaps he is an alien, sent here to fuck with our collective sense of both age and time, and help us evolve past mere numbers.
Perhaps he is a wizard, an otherworldly being who's used magic to halt the aging process.
Perhaps he was grown in a lab somewhere, in a test tube labeled "Personification of a Snack."
Perhaps he is simply one of those Ageless Ovary Destroyers, sent here to destroy ovaries and look real good doing it.
Whatever he is, however this non-mortal identifies, he is currently 65 human years old, and that is insane.
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