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15 Thoughts You Have During Your First Mardi Gras

You're young and innocent and living out your first queer season in Australia. Here's a few things to expect...

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1. Why don’t hot pants have pockets?

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Million dollar idea.

Where else can I put my keys/ phone/ money/ ID/ condoms/ extra glitter??

2. Getting ready: This is definitely too much glitter.

You lied to me, Ryan.
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You lied to me, Ryan.

3. Upon arrival: Should have bought more glitter.

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4. SO MANY PEOPLE.

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Where have all these queers been hiding!?

5. He’s/ She’s/ They’re hot.

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Cue six hours of unadulterated perving.

6. Man, I need to get in shape.

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So many fit, naked bodies everywhere and I’m over here like...

7. I can’t see the parade.

8. Where are my friends?

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Doesn’t matter. I just made 1000 NEW ONES.

9. I love EVERYBODY.

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I need to tell the whole world how queer and happy I am. Right now. Where's my phone?

10. Ima be sloppy drunk tonight.

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How many strangers is too many to make out with?

11. More. Selfies.

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I’d better get a new profile pic out of this…

12. Maybe I should do drag?

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No. Definitely not.

13. How can I sneak into the after party?

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Bet no one else has tried flirting their way in…

14. This. Is. Amazing.

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It truly is gay Christmas.

15. How do I get home...?

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It’s 6am and there are no taxis. The walk of shame is long.

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