Perfectionism is nothing but a shield
"If I am perfect, than you cannot criticize me." There was a time when I was so uptight in my thinking, demeanor and sense of self. I was terrified of backlash and wore armor and a closed heart in self defense. Brene Brown speaks beautifully about the different types of armor in her work. Perfectionism being at the top.
Hating yourself but loving others doesn't work.
This is the paradox many don't expect. People who act all high and mighty often have very low self esteem and need to inflate false aspects. Its a challenge to dislike yourself yet love other people. When I learned to be more gentle with myself and sought out self help books, lectures, and tapes I learned phrases like "self care" and "self compassion". I once viewed those things as selfish. Again, the paradox. Those tools are mandatory. I opened up to my sensitivities and embraced the gifts attached. The paradox. If you have an inflated ego, it's often making up for something that is missing. Peeling back the layers of my "life onion" caused me to see the imbalances.
Yoga & Meditation really help.
Yoga and meditation slowly began to rebuild my sense of authentic self worth. I saw how much pain I had been carrying my whole life and what was truly going Below the surface was so much sadness. I had a lot of healing to do and sought out safe places and people to guide me.
My relationships suffered/ exploded.
As stated above, you can't hate yourself and love others. I responded to love with self sabotage.
I never thought I was good enough.
People will compliment you, "like" you in various ways, say you're good looking, smart and sufficient. Authentic self esteem comes from your intuitive knowing. If you don't know deep within that you are worth something, the world's opinion won't suffice.
You need to see it to heal it.
Unless you're aware of the path of self destruction you can't do anything. I recalled past experiences of acting like a complete psycho that were so painful to relive. Whether things I'd said, done or experiences I had created, I realized the real self respect I had neglected. The woman who was free to be. Seeing my shadow stuff is not pretty but from there working through the steps lets in the good stuff, the lighter, happier more purposeful work that I think we all strive for.
Being a snob sucks.
I recall telling an ex that "I don't eat processed foods." Yeah. Excuse me while I light my hair on fire. Some of the sh*t that came out my mouth was pretty lame. Awareness is everything. Compassion is everything. As I write this I literally want to crawl out of my body. WHAT. WAS. I. SAYING ?!?!?!
I acted like I was curing cancer.
I'm not.
Humble pie is on the menu.
Narcissism has left and returned during my life. Often when I spend too much time out of community, true purpose or get stuck in my head. The key is awareness. When I see that I'm repeating patterns of my past, I try to reel it in. A dear friend always says "best way to get out of your story is to give back to others." I think that's the best medicine. "We find ourselves by losing ourselves in service."
Getting grateful is a cure all.
Being grateful for running water, clean clothes and a bed makes everything in life seem like a winning lottery ticket. A gratitude list keeps me accountable and I found that there were miracles at every glance.
Getting out of myself.
Staying stuck in a story of self demise will literally kill your spirit. Getting into the community, meaningful work and watching my ego shatter over and over again is the healthiest thing I can do.
Share This Article
