I Rank All The Musicals I've Listened To Enough To Rank

A native New Yorker, seasoned stage crew kid, and theater nerd myself, I'm totally qualified to critique some of the most loved and hated musicals of all time, right? And, yes, I should be studying for finals.

How This Works

So here's how it works: There's 25 musicals. The top 16 are above my "Worth Listening To" line. This line doesn't mean that the musicals under it aren't social or cultural staples worth knowing, but simply that I don't think they're artistically at the same level as the ones above it. And, of course, all of this is my opinion. Have the Broadway gods smite me and take away my backstage pass.

25. #25: Hairspray

Hairspray Broadway / Via Wikipedia

I just can't justify the hype I don't hold any hatred for Hairspray but I don't hold any love for it, either. It's just... meh. It's the meh-iest musical on this list and that's why it's the furthest from my "Worth Listening To" line. Conceptually, it's amazing: it's about civil and social justice but the music is the most basic, easy to swallow, formulaic music I've heard outside a child's musical. So there's definitely not any love lost between me and Hairspray Song to listen to: Good Morning Baltimore

24. #24: Legally Blonde

Legally Blonde Broadway / Via Wikipedia

Bend and *Snap* So some part of a ranking this low for Legally Blonde probably comes from the trauma I acquired from working on it in the spring of 2014 but, in all fairness, I did have Fifty Shades of Pink on my painting clothes for the rest of my high school musical career. Legally Blonde is the most 00's thing I can think of. It's stuck in that period of culture between the 90's and when people decides to develop acceptable 2000's culture. As a newbie in the musical world, I thought my upperclassmen were being dramatic when they complained about how bad the "comedy" of Legally Blonde was. Now I know just how wrong I was. The music has some catchy lines but repeat those lines 10,000 times and they just get annoying. The eerie lines of the Delta Nu chant still ring in my ears. Song to listen to: Legally Blonde

23. #23: Annie

Annie Broadway / Via PlayBill

Tomorrow, Tomorrow, maybe I can get that song out of my head tomorrow Now before I'm ATTACKED I'm not saying that Annie is a bad musical. I'm just saying that it's rather... bland. Sure, it was great when we were kids and the older I get, the more I appreciate Ms. Hannagin, but that doesn't make up for the fact that it's just not a great musical. Worth subjecting your kids to? Yes. Worth listening to in your free time? You just have to admit it isn't. Song to listen to: Little Girls

22. #22: Shrek the Musical

Shrek the Musical Broadway / Via PlayBill

I guess you can say it has layers This is another musical I participated in in high school. It wasn't that context that ruined it for me. In fact, our musical having the song "Build a Wall" in the early months of the 2016 presidential race was hilarious. Here's the thing about Shrek: it's... okay. That's it, it's just okay. It's got some goldies but it's mostly just lackluster, slightly worse than the original animated movie in comedy and character development and framing. The music just doesn't make up for the charm that was lost in the stage adaptation. Sure, you might listen to it once but you're not going to turn it on to listen to on loop. It's more likely that you'll just find one or two songs you love and stick to them. Song to listen to: Forever

21. #21: Rent

Rent Broadway / Via PlayBill

How does this have such a good reputation? Now I know I'm going to catch some hate for this but Rent is the most overrated musical in my opinion. There's two or three songs that are worth listening to but I just don't get the hype. Whatever you're looking for from Rent, there's a musical that does it better. Song to listen to: Tango Maureen

20. #20: Into the Woods

Into the Woods Broadway / Via PlayBill

mehI don't hold any sort of emotion at all for Into the Woods. It's sort of charming in a campy way but I can't say any of the music is anything extraordinary. It's dark and twisted and that's enough to reserve a spot on some people's playlists but not mine. And this is my list, so...Song to listen to: Into the Woods

19. #19: Lion King

The Lion King Broadway / Via PlayBill

It's the circle of Disney capitalism Here's the thing about the Lion King: if you know the music from the animated film, you know the music from the staged version. The most impressive thing about this adaptation is the costuming and that makes it worth seeing but just to listen to the soundtrack? I mean, it's up to you, but when there's so many other choices...Song to listen to: He Lives in You

18. #18: Young Frankenstein

Young Frankenstein / Via PlayBill

How many sex scenes can we put in a musical without there really being sex scenes? This is easily the funniest show on this list. It's comedy is good because it's a comedy but it's music? The music is good when they're comedic songs. Roll in The Hay is easily one of the best and most inappropriate songs I've seen performed on a high school stage and that's the legacy I feel applies to this entire musical. Like Lion King, it's worth seeing but not listening to independently. Song to listen to: He Vas My Boyfriend

17. #17: Big Fish

Big Fish / Via PlayBill

Edward Bloom is self absorbed and reckless, @ meBig Fish is the last song below the Worth Listening To line simply because of its ratio of good:bad songs. Anyone who's listened to this show knows that songs like Fight the Dragon and Be the Hero are great but do they really weigh out the atrocities of Red, White, and True and Little Lamb from Alabama? You can argue what you'd like but the physical reaction I have to hearing the opening from either one of those last songs would argue otherwise. Song to listen to: Fight the Dragon or Be The Hero, they'er equally good

_________ Worth Listening To line_________

16. #16: Les Miserables

Les Miserables / Via PlayBill

No, it's not the French RevolutionHere's the thing about Les Mis, I think it's an acquired taste. I'd categorize it in the same group as West Side Story, which is coming up later on this list; that is, they're both classics that take some appreciation of theater before you can fully appreciate the musical itself. Les Mis is rather formulaic for classic theater: its music is rather basic, following the same tragedy/triumph beats repeatedly and only disrupted by the odd Master of the House that breaks you from the absolute tragedy that the July Revolution of 1832 was. Still, in the end, its music is incredible, proven by the way it's stood the test of time and by the way Do You Hear the People Sing is one of the most recognizable songs in theater. Song to listen to: At the End of the Day

15. #15: Book of Mormon

The Book of Mormon / Via PlayBill

The Edgy Bastard of Musicals In the middle of this list, Book of Mormon sits comfortably where I think it belongs, with the rest of the musicals I think are just... adequate. Now, hear me out: Hello is the epitome of a catchy, upbeat intro but, at least in my opinion, the quality of songs in Book of Mormon drop as you continue to listen. This show's catch is that its "edgy" and offensive and that doesn't get communicated as well through the soundtrack as it does through watching the whole production. So this is worth listening to just once in a while for an upbeat, easy listen but if you're looking for an emotional or thought-provoking production, Book of Mormon just isn't what you're looking for. Song to listen to: Hello

14. #14: Mean Girls

Mean Girls / Via PlayBIll

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be I have to be completely honest, I walked into listening to Mean Girls with two problems: I can only ever hear Barrett Wilbert Weed's voice as Veronica Sawyer and this is a really obvious cash grab. I still believe in both those things; I can't help but think Janice is just Veronica if she somehow got damned into dealing with another version of Westerburg High thirty years later and the whole thing is obviously more focused on making money than it is on making real art. That being said, the songs are catchy as hell and it's actually a really fun musical to just sit back and listen to. It doesn't have the dark side Heathers does and, even though I don't think its musical quality measures up to Heathers, it is quite nice to have a stereotypical high school movie put into a meta musical. Its humor carries well through music and you don't have to see the show to pick up on the themes, though you might want to watch the original movie for some plot context if you somehow were living under a rock and were considering going into the soundtrack without having seen the 2004 film. Song to listen to: Meet the Plastics

13. #13: Chicago

Chicago / Via PlayBill

They had it comin' I think Chicago's worth listening to if not just for the fact of how unusual the story is. What other musicals are there about the corruption of the American prison system? The world and character building that Chicago possesses in their music alone is outstanding. There's not really that much I have to say about Chicago besides the fact I think it's underrated; despite many people knowing about it, it's not properly appreciated Song to listen to: He Had it Coming

12. #12: West Side Story

West Side Story / Via PlayBill

Better than the original Romeo and Juliet, fight me Yes, I believe 100% that this is better than the original Shakespeare version, maybe simply for the fact that Maria and Tony aren't, ya know, fifteen and that any popular media that approaches the problems of racism and marginalizing urban youth is well worth listening to. Really, this musical and its themes have held up to the wearing of time very well. The music is still great and catchy and even if you can't take the dance-fighting seriously, the story is still extremely relevant in modern times of partisanship, marginalization, and gun violence. So even if the music isn't your thing, you could feasibly write your senior thesis on it. Song to listen to: America

11. #11: Be More Chill

Be More Chill / Via PlayBill

It's okay Be More Chill has amassed a huge following in the world of internet musical fandoms and has risen quickly in the ranks, moving to Broadway in 2019 and allegedly getting a film adaptation sometime soon. Only sticking to the source material's plot where it needed to, Be More Chill feels like it wants to be taken more seriously than it should, which is my first problem with the musical. While there's a number of intriguing themes and Easter eggs for those who like to pour over every second of a show, Be More Chill is still a comedy and I don't know if it's the fandom or the show's own publication efforts but it feels like it wants to be taken as more than that. Its music is pretty average, with George Salazar's performances easily being the best out of the bunch, since I actually get any sort of emotion besides "satire" conveyed to me through them. And despite this review being mostly pessimistic, I do actually like Be More Chill for the lightweight comedy it is, not the serious and dark show I feel like too many people are trying to make it into. Song to listen to: Micheal in the Bathroom

10. #10: Come From Away

Come From Away / Via PlayBill

Yes, I cried No, I don't remember the attacks on 9/11, I was too young. But being from New York, so close to the epicenter of the attacks, I've never lived a life without that day hanging over it as sort of a defining precursor to everything that came after it. That all being said, Come From Away embodies a lot of what is associated with that day. The way that "28 Hours" goes on for what seems like forever is a perfect testament to how so much happened so quickly and how the world was left to watch in terror as the fallout followed, launching the United States into an entirely different way of life than what it had been like before 8:00 that morning. And that's just one example of how Come From Away, as an artistic piece, is spectacular and that's really the only word I can use for it. Its music can be repetitive but the emotion and charm of the entire production is so unlike anything I've ever heard before, so Come From Away gets a spot in my top ten. Song to listen to: 28 Hours

9. #9: Hadestown

Hadestown / Via Wikipedia

Hades kidnapping women: a tale as old as time Hadestown is easily one of the most underrated musicals of all time. It never made it to Broadway, which is a shame. From an artistic standpoint, Hadestown has one of the most creative setting choices I've seen in a modern musical; taking the story of Orpheus and Eurydice and putting it in the American Great Depression is a great backdrop to the drama and allowing the music to be thematic, characteristic of the place and time puts the same spin on the classic story as Lin Manuel Miranda did with putting Hamilton's biography to rap but it gets a lot less credit for it. If you're looking for an "underground" (ha) musical to get into, I couldn't suggest Hadestown enough. Song to listen to: Livin' It Up On Top

8. #8: Newsies

Newsies / Via PlayBill

It's always a good time for revolution If I could have Newsies be the soundtrack to my life, I would. Newsies was the first musical outside Disney movies that I ever got into and it was the first show I begged my parents for tickets to (perks of living so close to the center of musical theater in the western world was that this was possible). It spoke to me as a twelve year old in my rebellious years and it speaks to me now, in college, as I look at my own generation making strides to change our world. I'm looking at you, people like Malala Yousafzai and the Parkland teens. The catchy tunes of social change are still whole bops and "Santa Fe" still fills me with this feeling unlike any other song can. If you need to build up your courage for something, I recommend listening to the Newsies soundtrack. It's fairly cheesy but you'll feel like kicking asses and taking names in no time. And, yeah, I decorated my graduation cap with a Newsies quote so it does have a special place in my heart. Song to listen to: The World Will Know or Santa Fe, depending on your mood

7. #7: 21 Chump Street

21 Chump Street / Via Pinterest

just a quickie 21 Chump Street, in all its 14 minute glory, is possibly the conceptually weirdest musical on this whole list. Based on the news interviews of a under cover police officer in the infamous war on drugs and one of the kids who fell in the path of her attempts to "make life safer, one school at a time", 21 Chump Street, though not one of Lin Manuel Miranda's best works, is a great musical for some whose trying to get into the world of musical theater. It's gritty and unapologetic for staring in the face of what some might call corruption and others might call justice but doesn't lose the the lighthearted spirit that compliments the innocence of the world and characters Miranda paints onstage. Best thing about it? There's a non-bootleg, fully endorsed taping of the show on YouTube that you can use if you missed something between the whole five songs of this show. Song to listen to: TheMoney

6. #6: Wicked

Wicked / Via PlayBill

Not like any of the other million stories about Oz I dare anyone to defy me in my assertion that this is exactly where Wicked belongs. There's something about the stories of Oz that resonate with people and there's nothing about Wicked that shouldn't find a place with at least one person. It's the easiest tale of being true to one's self that makes it appropriate for young kids (hoping the affair in the first part of the show goes over their heads) but with moral dilemmas like what constitutes a true lie or what it takes for certain actions to be justified makes it good for older audiences. In either case, the music is great and no one can tell me that Idina Menzel doesn't just destroy her role as Elphaba. Song to listen to:Defying Gravity

5. #5: Dear Evan Hansen

Dear Evan Hansen / Via PlayBill

Never have I hated a protagonist more than Evan Hansen I jumped on the Dear Evan Hansen boat really late because I was so repulsed by the idea of the plot. And, honestly, I still am. Evan isn't a compelling protagonist and no matter how many times I listen to the soundtrack, I can't find it in myself to side with him. When I noticed that the people who wrote the music for DEH also wrote the music for The Greatest Showman (a show not included on this list because there's not an onstage version... yet) it occurred to me that it seems to be their "thing" to write really good music for shows with less than admirable lead characters. But, hey, to give Pasek and Paul their credit: the music for this show is incredibly good if you can separate it from the plot. Song to listen to: Sincerely, Me

4. #4: Heathers

Heathers / Via Red Bubble

What's your damage? There's not really much I don't like about the musical adaptation of Heathers. I like it better than the original film, I think it flushes out more of the character traits- not just of JD and Veronica but of the Heathers and the rest of the supporting cast- that allow the plot to carry on the way it does. It's a lot cleaner in execution than the original film and the songs are gritty, dark, and catchy as hell. There's so much to love about Heathers and, if you're anything like me, the new TV adaptation made you just as sad and angry as it I was over it. Song to listen to: Our Love is God

3. #3: In the Heights

In the Heights / Via PlayBill

Definition of Lawful Good In the Heights is the most under-appreciated work of Lin Manuel Miranda, hiding behind the shadow of his world-famous brainchild and the next musical on this list. In the Heights embodies everything about Miranda's writing style that I love, both in lyrics and storytelling. The way he writes his characters feels like they're living, breathing people. All their motivations, their struggles and passions, they're all laid out in front of the audience and it makes the whole experience of listening to this show such a raw human experience. There's no point during this show that I don't believe that these characters could and really do exist. Song to listen to: 96,000

2. #2: Hamilton

Something special. I'm going to get hate for this placement, either from putting it so high on the list or not having it in first place. The thing about Hamilton is that as much as its loved, it's also hated. A lot of people are fast to write it off because of the fame it's accumulated and it goes from being a show that they just don't care for to a show that they can't stand because they're being pressured by everyone else to just LOVE it. And that's fine. I love Hamilton and I think Lin Manuel Miranda struck gold with this show but I can appreciate that there are people who don't care of the music style or just don't think it's worth the hype its gotten since it's release in 2015. Wow, it's already been three years. That being said, just how I said In the Heights was everything I love about Miranda's writing style? Hamilton is everything I love about his composing style. The patterns he uses in Hamilton, how there are themes for people and emotions and how they're all so vibrant and distinct is amazing. It makes the recycling of actors for Peggy Schuyler/ Maria Reynolds and John Laurens/ Phillip Hamilton work as well as they do. Song to listen to: Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story

1. #1: Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812

Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812 / Via PlayBill

Don't sleep on this one! I fell in love with Great Comet on accident. My uncle heard about it on a radio show and, knowing I was the resident theater nerd of our family, bought tickets to it as a Christmas gift. I'd never heard of it and he refused to tell me what show it was so I didn't look it up beforehand. That's how I ended up in on-stage seats to my favorite musical before I'd even heard a note of the show. I can't talk this show up enough. Denée Benton does a wonderful job of making an unlikeable protagonist sympathetic, something this show is leagues above Dear Evan Hansen for. Josh Groban's performance as Pierre takes the old man's pitiful nature and doesn't make me hate him or find it annoying. The music is all fantastic, relying on some classic Russian themes and updating them with modern notes. The ballads are beautiful and expressive and I can't even fathom the words to pay them justice. If there's one thing you do after reading this article, it should be listen to The Great Comet of 1812 and I'll try to keep myself from asking why you haven't just done that already. Song to listen to: the entire freakin' musical but especially Dust and Ashes