5 Common Misconceptions Straight People Have About Dating Someone Who Is Bisexual

Don't bet on a threesome.

There is both a great deal of curiosity and hesitation when it comes to dating a bisexual person.

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On one side, there seems to be an over-sexualization of bisexuals. Some are curious and excited by the idea of having a partner who goes both ways. On the other side, some fear that dating someone who is bisexual will mean they have more competition to fend away or that they'll never be enough.

"Popular" misconceptions have made it tricky for straight people to maneuver in dating situations with bisexuals. And mainstream media doesn't help the issue.

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For example, popular media often paints bisexual women as more "masculine" or as a "one of the boys"–type personality. It often does the opposite for bisexual men, painting them as more "feminine" or "in touch with their feelings." This, in turn, complicates the dating process because straight people may have a certain preconceived notion about how a bisexual person should act. However, it has been refreshing to see some mainstream media begin to move away from some of these tropes (hooray, Superman!).

So, how do you find a way to discern between common misconceptions and more accurate depictions of reality?

You get some firsthand knowledge, that's how! Talk to your bisexual friends or your partner and be honest. Ask them questions you may have been embarrassed to even ponder. Trust me, it will only help you both understand each other better!

And it's okay if you're not ready to dive into that conversation with your friend or partner just yet. Or maybe they aren't ready to have that talk with you.

However, if you need some guidance before unpacking the topic, this is for you! Here are five common misconceptions straight people have about dating a bisexual partner:

1. Bisexual attraction doesn't go away.

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Many straight people assume that when their partner settles down with them, that any bisexual feelings just disappear. Your male bi partner will still be attracted to men, and your female bi partner will still be attracted to women. Don't take this as competition or a slight against you, just don't be shocked if your partner enjoys watching gay or lesbian porn or engages in other ethical activities where they can release their bisexual energy. 

2. It's not a 50/50 split on attraction.

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Bisexual partners are often asked, "how much do you like men and how much do you like women?" Sure, some may feel equally attracted to men and women. However, many bisexuals have changing moods. Some days your partner may be more attracted to one than the other. There is no set percentage of attraction that you should expect your partner to adhere to. 

3. Sexuality and personal preferences are not the same.

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Your sexuality doesn't dictate your preferences. When I came out as bi, many people were shocked, like, "But you ACT so straight." What does that even mean? On the opposite side of this, it's equally ignorant to say, "I KNEW you were bisexual because *insert stereotype here*." Don't expect your partner to act a certain way or to have certain preferences just because of their sexuality. 

Many people stereotype those in the LGBTQ+ community, and it's very harmful to the process of coming out. There isn't a "one size fits all" look or style that highlights your partner — or anyone in the LGBTQ+ community. No matter how popular media may make it seem, we're all unique! 

4. Take your partner's sexuality seriously — they aren't gay or lesbian.

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Don't suspect that your partner is really struggling with their sexuality. Many times, people assume bisexuals are "secretly gay" or "secretly lesbian" and don't want to "face their truth." This argument is ridiculous and offensive. Your partner knows what they like, trust them when they say it. 

5. And lastly, threesomes are not guaranteed.

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Just because your partner enjoys both men and women doesn't mean you get a threesome pass. There is a lot of sexualization of bisexuals. I hear the stories from my female bi friends who say their boyfriends are lusting for a threesome with another woman. I've also received more attention from women after coming out as bi, who have expressed sexual desires with multiple partners. While your partner may be 100% down for a threesome, you shouldn't just assume that getting into a relationship with a bisexual partner gives you an automatic threesome pass. 

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