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    What It's Like To Grow Up Without A Mother

    What it's like to lose normalcy for what I used to consider as a "better" education and life

    Do I ever regret coming to Canada?

    Honestly yes. But my answer will vary depending on what my values are on a given day and what stage of life I’m in. I haven’t achieved my dream yet, so at the moment, I am not contented; thus a tad regretful.

    I came to Canada at age 13 without my family. So what was it like?

    Well, to begin with, I don’t have a high school graduation photo. Let that sink in for a second.

    I think I traded ‘normalcy’ for a piece of paper—a Canadian high school diploma and a Bachelor’s degree.

    From age 13 to 17, I lived with a guardian. But because she worked at a catering company, she had to go to work every day at 3 in the morning. So naturally, I was never once awoken by someone since I came to Canada. In fact, I set my alarm clock at five a.m. every night for two years to study before school—I mean, with English as my second language, I needed all the extra time I could get.

    Even at ‘home,’ the only rooms I felt I was allowed in were my bedroom and washroom; living room and kitchen were off-limit, which left me feeling very restricted and confined, but also nervous at ‘home.’ Moreover, I never felt in my teen years that I was a member of my guardian’s family because once when we had an argument, she pulled her daughter—my best friend/roommate—out of our room—leaving me feeling like a complete outsider. Knowing I had no one to depend on, I had to grow up really fast. However, because I was struggling so much in school—with no friends and absolutely no knowledge of English—I asked my school bus driver one day if she was free. She first said ‘no,’ but as I was walking away, she called me back. I remember sitting in front of her on the bus and just crying, not caring that I knew nothing about her. From that day on, we talked for 15 minutes every morning before class for 3 years. I didn’t quit and came this far because I had at least one person in every stage of my life who really heard and saw and cared for me.

    Looking back at the past 13 years, I was oddly blessed with men and women who came to fill my parents’ shoes. For that I’m truly grateful.