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Jimmies, sprinkles, and pickle popsicles

I tried to get chocolate sprinkles at Walmart. It would have been easier to find the Santa Claus. In a Temple. On Hanukkah. With the Easter Bunny.

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I had to go to Walmart the other day.

To get a prescription filled.

I hate Walmart.

The store of the great unwashed.

But it's the only place

that ever has this one medicine

that I need every month.

I had to wait half an hour,

so I picked up some stuff that I needed.

Paper towels, milk, and ice cream.

I wanted chocolate jimmies.

So I asked the sales lady

where I could find them.

She didn't speak English,

So she didn't know what I meant.


"Jimmies" is a local word for sprinkles.

So I asked again, for "chocolate sprinkles".

She took me to whipped cream.

I laughed and repeated,

"chocolate sprinkles".

So she took me to strawberry syrup,

So I said "NO - chocolate sprinkles", "chocolate sprinkles"

Because if you say it twice,

while shaking your head no,

it makes it more understandable.

This time though, I did pantomime -

Shaking sprinkles

onto an ice cream cream cone.

She finally took me to another sales girl;

who also barely spoke English.

I asked her for chocolate sprinkles for ice cream, pantomiming it as I asked.

She tried to send me to the craft department.

I again explained what I wanted.

But she told me to go to the craft aisle.

So I ended up in the cake decorating aisle.

Where the only food was

those melting chocolate discs

that taste like soapy wax.

I walked back to the front of the store

And tried the baking needs aisle

No luck.

I saw another sales girl

who sent me way down,

to an end row,

Where they had a display

of ice cream cones.

There were no jimmies.

I ran into another sales woman and

explained that I had been playing

Marco Polo all afternoon,

Looking for jimmies

She spoke English

And she understood me.

She said:

"well, Miss, we don't have everything!

We're not a super Walmart!"

Makes sense.

Of course, I could buy :

-a cigarette lighter the size of my arm

-a motion detector toilet bowl light that "lights up your toilet with seven ambient colors for those middle of the night trips to the bathroom"

-A bacon scented pillow

or a

-Pickle flavored popsicle.

I just couldn't get jimmies.

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