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    But I Have Great Map Skills!

    I went to school before technology. I had to learn to read a map. I don't know where any countries are. But I can show you on a map, how to get there.

    I always knew

    my geography was hideous;

    we weren't taught that in school.

    We only had map skills.

    I took geography in college,

    which consisted

    of knowing the capitals

    of every country in the world,

    which I memorized,

    and promptly forgot

    after every test.

    I remember

    going over the terrain,

    because the teacher

    spent a lot of time

    talking about the devastation

    that could occur

    if a tsunami ever hit the

    Bangladesh area.

    Foreshadowing.

    This was 1992.

    And I only remember that

    because she pronounced it "Bongladesh"

    which sent me

    into fits of hysterical laughter

    every time she said it.

    27 year old mature me.

    Other than that

    I know nothing.

    My whole life

    whenever I sit on the beach

    and stare out at the ocean

    toward England,

    I've wondered

    if someone in England

    was sitting on their beach

    staring out and looking at us.

    And I thought that if I swam

    straight across the ocean,

    I'd meet that person

    And we'd have

    tea and crumpets.

    Today I found out

    that we're directly

    across from Portugal!

    I've been staring

    at Portuguese people

    and didn't even know it.

    So, I've been staring

    at someone

    who doesnt speak

    my language.

    and would probably

    serve me some Portuguese

    fish dinner

    that I don't even like.