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11 Tips For Having Way Better Orgasms

From Jenny Block, author of O Wow: Discovering Your Ultimate Orgasm.

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Jenny Block is a lifestyle writer and the author of O Wow: Discovering Your Ultimate Orgasm, so we decided to hit her up for some tips.

"Sex should be fun and silly and exciting and experimental and messy and loud and always an adventure. It should go where it goes for as long as you like in whatever way you like," she told BuzzFeed.

"Sex is not putting a penis in a vagina. That is one sex act of many. It’s not the main one or the primary one or the most important one. It’s just one. We have to stop having procreative sex for recreation if we're ever going to maximize our orgasm potential."

Here are some of Jenny Block's straightforward pointers for having better orgasms and a richer sex life: 🍑 👌 💦

1. Masturbation is the best way to figure out your sexual preferences.

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"First of all, know that masturbating is an excellent idea. Seriously. It is excellent. It's safe and fun and insanely good for you. Orgasm is known to relieve pain and stress and insomnia and to make you feel generally all warm and fuzzy.

"If this is your first time at bat, not to worry. The best part of masturbation is that you don't have to impress anyone and it's basically impossible to do it wrong. All you have to do is what feels good. So get comfy somewhere where you're unlikely to get caught (unless that turns you on, of course!) Get yourself some inspirational materials if you like – porn to watch or erotica to read."

2. If you're starting to masturbate for the first time, don't put pressure on yourself to orgasm.

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"Take your time. Let your hands wander where they may until you feel relaxed and ready to focus on the main event. Then just do what feels good. Rubbing, stroking, patting, tugging, tickling, petting, penetrating, slapping, or a combination perhaps. You might want to try a vibrator (for women) or a masturbation sleeve (for men).

"Whatever you do, don't focus too much on orgasm, especially if this is the first time. Masturbation, just like sex, should be pleasure oriented, not goal oriented. The only goal should be to enjoy and to learn what works for you. Then you can share with a partner what you've learned and really get to discovering your ultimate orgasm."

3. It might take a bit of practice to find your G-spot, but it's worth it.

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"I like to call it the G-Zone because it's not just a tiny spot, it's a whole spongy area of erectile tissue. To find it, insert two fingers into your vagina about two inches in, curve them upwards and then move them slowly and repeatedly in a come-hither motion. You can adjust the speed and pressure and location based on how it feels.

"The longer you engage your G-Zone, the more juicy it will become as it swells and becomes firm and fluid filled. Once it is good and worked up, an orgasm, and perhaps even ejaculate will likely follow.

"You can, of course, have a partner do this and you can also use a toy if you prefer. There are a number out there designed with a curve just for this use!"

4. There are so many options when it comes to buying your first vibrator.

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"When you're looking for your first vibrator, start by asking yourself these questions:

- Do you want something designed for internal use, external use, or both?

- What size toy would you like?

- What shape toy would you like?

- What kind of texture and material do you like? Hard? Soft? Bumpy? Ridged? Smoother? Silicone? Glass? Wood? Metal? Plastic?

- Does it need to be particularly quiet?

- Do you want one speed? Several speeds?

- Do you want it to have more than one pattern? (That is, steady vibration versus pulsing at a variety of speeds.)

- Are you looking for something that you can use alone, with a partner, or both?

"A bullet is a very simple, first time out of the gate, kind of vibe. It looks like a small egg and generally has one speed of steady vibration. From there, you can experiment with different shapes and sizes, including those that can be used both internally and externally at the same time, like the very famous Rabbit vibrator.

"There are a huge variety of companies out there. LELO and Jimmyjane are two of my favorites. You can buy vibrators from a wealth of retailers both online and brick and mortar. Online, I'm a big fan of places like Good Vibrations where the amount of information available is as impressive as the variety of toys."

5. When giving blow jobs, take your sweet time.

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"Blowjobs feel good because a mouth is wet and warm, the tongue is capable of stimulating the more sensitive areas of the penis, and suction is a guy's best friend.

"Take him into your mouth an inch or two at a time, tease him, lick him from the head of his penis to the base, use your hands, don't ignore his balls, and – most importantly – pay attention to what is working and what isn't. If he loves it, for God sake, keep at it. And if it doesn't seem to be floating his boat, move on. It's all about figuring out what exactly works for him."

6. And it's also really important that you actually enjoy doing it.

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"The best advice out there when it comes to giving a great blow is to show him how much how much you are enjoying him. First things first, if it feels like a job, there's a problem. The orgasm might be all his when it comes to a blowjob, but the pleasure should be shared."

7. ^This especially applies to vagina eating. Enthusiasm is everything.

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"When it comes to going down on a woman, committing is key. If not you're all in, there's really no point. The most important thing to remember is that the clit is queen, everything else is a lovely add-on.

"So, start with everything but. Kiss and bite at her inner thighs. Touch and massage her outer lips. Spread open her pussy. Lick the length of her introitus (the opening to her vagina). And then return to biting and kissing her inner thighs and teasing the lips of her pussy.

"It won't be long before she is lifting her hips up, breathing deeply, and perhaps moaning or, with any luck, begging you for more. That's when it's time to focus on her clit – licking, sucking, flicking, whatever steady, consistent stimulation that seems to work for her. Once you get into a rhythm, don't stop. Seriously. Don't stop until she either comes or gives you some indication that she would like you like you to switch things up."

8. When eating someone out, definitely don't be afraid to use your hands.

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"If you want to really take things to the next level, this is a great opportunity to play with the blended orgasm. Use two of your fingers to penetrate her (see the G-Zone method above) while continuing to stimulate her clit with your tongue. You can also tease her backside if she's game. With a little lube on your finger, gently tease the opening and slip inside with her permission. The stimulation of all three at once will likely give her what I like to call the blended, ultimate orgasm."

9. Lube is crucial if you're trying out anything anal-related for the first time.

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"If you are interested in experimenting with anal play, lube has to be the key player. The anus, unlike the vagina, is not self-lubricating.

"Start slowly by running your finger between your partner's cheeks, stopping to tease the back door as you go. When she or he is comfortable, pay more attention to the opening, gently teasing the opening until you can slip the tip of your finger inside.

"Be sure to ask, 'Does that feel good?' and 'Would you like more?' before you go any further. Some people like to be penetrated as fully as possible. Others prefer the tease. You can also use anal beads, which can be inserted into the anus (with plenty of lube) and then slowly pulled out one bead at the time. Dildos – vibrating and otherwise – can also be used. And they come in all sorts of sizes and materials! And heterosexual couples can, of course have anal sex as well if they are comfortable with that.

"It's important to remember that no one has to agree to anal sex or anything else for that matter (even if you've agreed to do it before). It's all about what feels good to that person at that time!"

10. If you have a hard time opening up sexually, practice by yourself first.

"When you're alone, preferably when you're masturbating, practice. Say the things you imagine wanting to say to a partner, move your body in the ways that truly turn you on as opposed to the ways you think you're 'supposed,' make noise.

"The most important things to remember are that there is nothing wrong with whatever your personal desires are and the person you are with wants you, hopefully all of you, so there's simply no reason to be shy."

11. And if you're a woman, remember that there's nothing shameful about being sexually open.

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"We live in such a strange climate these days. Everywhere you look, it's sex, sex, sex in the public sphere. But when it comes to the private sphere, we are full of shame, and there is simply no reason for it. Women are sexual. It's pure and simple biology.

"And women are a lucky lot. We have no refractory period, which means we can come over and over without resting in between and we have the only organ in the human body – male or female – with pleasure as its only purpose – the clit. And, while we're on the subject – every woman's pussy is perfect. If you think otherwise, you don't deserve to tango with one. And if you are the owner of the pussy and have a problem with it, it's time to make peace with your parts. Pussies are miraculous, it's time to get right with them."

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