US Politicians As Young Fuckboys, And Why They Would Ghost Me

Let's not pretend they weren't all players.

Young Tim Kaine would DEFINITELY only contact me within the hours of 11pm and 4am.

/ © Twitter

Young John McCain would ABSOLUTELY stop texting me to hook up with another girl, but text me the next morning saying that he "fell asleep".

And I'd believe it, too!

Young Marco Rubio would without a doubt text me at 2am saying "Hey" and when I didn't respond follow up with "Sorry, I thought this was Uber EATS".

Nice save, Marco.

Young Barry O would match with me on Tinder and then run for the hills when he saw me in real life.

/ © The LIFE Images Collection / Getty

Look at that smile. It is the smile of a man about to ghost you.

Young Joe Biden would stop talking to me for weeks but hit me with the "Hey, how are you?" mere MINUTES after I posted a fire selfie on Instagram.

Carpe DM, am I right?

And young Ted Cruz....

Well.... I think I'd have to ghost him.