Five Major Issues With One Sided Friendships

All relationship takes time and effort. More importantly, all types of relationships require balance. Both people need to be willing to put in that effort to make any type of relationship work. When this does not occur, a relationship reaches the dark side.

5. One person puts in all the effort

In a one sided friendship, one person does all of the work. This person is the only one reaching out, checking in, and making plans. The more frequently someone is ignored by a friend, the worse this feeling gets. This transgression gets more sever when the other person reaches out to you only for a favor. This leaves a friend feeling unwanted. In Conflict: Human Needs Theory, the author says, “When a person’s action does not receive the reward he expected, or receives a punishment he did not expect, he will be angry,” (Sites, 15). When you expect a text back from your best friend and don’t get one you might be pretty angry and your friendship might be one sided.

4. You always go to them

a.If you always go the distance, literally, your friendship might be one sided. Spending your time driving and your money on gas or transportation shows that you’re dedicated to a relationship. If your friend is never willing to do the same for you, they may be less dedicated. Carolyn Steber says this may be an issue of fairness. “If you are always the one driving to your friend's place, or spending forever on the subway, then it could be that your pal is taking advantage of your kindness,” (Steber, 2016).

3. Only one person feels supported

An important part of any relationship is support, and that’s a two sided requirement. In a healthy relationship, both people take turns venting and listening. Talking about the things that stress you out or caused a bad day can make anyone feel better. In a one sided friendship, however, one person consistently does all the talking while the other person does all the listening. For the receiver, this can be emotionally draining. Thomas J. Berdnt says, “…friendships that are highly intimate are assumed to help adolescent’s self-esteem and understanding of other people. In the second perspective, friends influence depends on the attitudes and influences of other friends,” (Berdnt, 1992). In other words, a close and supporting friendship will boost self-esteem but that all depends on the attitude of the other person. It’s important to feel as though your friend cares about you and your feelings as much as you care about them. Melanie Gorman suggests you evaluate the support you receive in a friendship. “A major benefit of friendship is the gift of feeling loved and respected for who we are. When that is missing, it’s a major sign that it’s time to think about the relationship and if it’s worth the effort,” (Gorman, 2011).

2. They put off, cancel, and avoid making plans with you

When a friendship becomes one sided this is a major sign. Often times this means they think someone/something else is more important or worthy of their time. A relationship takes times and effort, and that relationship will not work without putting in the time to see each other. “If you are the one constantly making plans to hang out and they seldom do, then this means you are more devoted to your friendship than your friend,” (Ararat, 2017).

1. They're not dependable

This is the most important sign of a one sided friendship. A true friend you can rely on to be there when you really need them. A friend is someone you can depend on to help you out, pick you up when you’re down, and be there when you’re in need. In a one sided friendship you might not be able to count on them to even show up on time. “You know that there will be some excuse before you even get the chance to ask them to hang out or help you out with something,” (Ararat, 2017). If you can’t count on them, is the relationship worth the time and effort?