If Sports Penalties Were Enforced IRL

Not everyone follows protocol. But when it comes to making whisky, J.P. Wiser's knows the rules are simple: Use only the finest ingredients, and stay true to tradition.

Encroachment

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In football this is when a defensive player makes an illegal motion prior to the snap. In the real world, this is when Barry from finance stops by to "check in on those expense reports" after a garlicky lunch.

Clipping

Derek A. (CC BY 2.0) / Via Flickr: sfj

This is when one hockey player hits another below the knees. Or it's when personal grooming habits are brought into the public sphere.

False Start

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Doesn't matter if you're at the starting line or the pick-up line. You can't make a move before you get the proper signal.

Spearing

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Stabbing opponents with your stick is not cool...and neither is stabbing your friend's entrée when she's not looking.

Too Many Men

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Just like when there are too many players on the field, this would come in handy for any time when the dude saturation point has reached peak bro.

Too Many Clubs

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Nobody needs that many 9 irons in their golf bag. And nobody needs that much bottle service.

Five-Second Violation

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Basketball games would go a lot slower without this rule. Too bad this isn't enforced for prolonged handshakes.

Checking From Behind

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Someone should be blowing the whistle on catcalls.

Holding

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For all those moments when the customer service line is experiencing "longer than normal" hold times.

Illegal Shift

i_yudai (CC BY 2.0) / Via Flickr: y_i

For players who don't establish their position before the snap, and people who decide to scream through emails.

Illegal Motion

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Football players need to be careful how they move toward the line of scrimmage, and dancers need to be careful how they flail when their song comes on.

Illegal Equipment

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A necessary guideline to prohibit certain cleats and certain fedoras.

The rules for making authentic Canadian whisky haven't changed for more than a century. That's why J.P. Wiser's has been crafted and aged in premium white oak barrels since 1857.