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If Sports Penalties Were Enforced IRL

Not everyone follows protocol. But when it comes to making whisky, J.P. Wiser's knows the rules are simple: Use only the finest ingredients, and stay true to tradition.

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Encroachment

In football this is when a defensive player makes an illegal motion prior to the snap. In the real world, this is when Barry from finance stops by to "check in on those expense reports" after a garlicky lunch.
Shutterstock

In football this is when a defensive player makes an illegal motion prior to the snap. In the real world, this is when Barry from finance stops by to "check in on those expense reports" after a garlicky lunch.

Clipping

This is when one hockey player hits another below the knees. Or it's when personal grooming habits are brought into the public sphere.
Derek A. (CC BY 2.0) / Via Flickr: sfj

This is when one hockey player hits another below the knees. Or it's when personal grooming habits are brought into the public sphere.

False Start

Doesn't matter if you're at the starting line or the pick-up line. You can't make a move before you get the proper signal.
Thinkstock

Doesn't matter if you're at the starting line or the pick-up line. You can't make a move before you get the proper signal.

Spearing

Stabbing opponents with your stick is not cool...and neither is stabbing your friend's entrée when she's not looking.
David Stuart / Getty Images

Stabbing opponents with your stick is not cool...and neither is stabbing your friend's entrée when she's not looking.

Too Many Men

Just like when there are too many players on the field, this would come in handy for any time when the dude saturation point has reached peak bro.
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Just like when there are too many players on the field, this would come in handy for any time when the dude saturation point has reached peak bro.

Too Many Clubs

Nobody needs that many 9 irons in their golf bag. And nobody needs that much bottle service.
Thinkstock

Nobody needs that many 9 irons in their golf bag. And nobody needs that much bottle service.

Five-Second Violation

Basketball games would go a lot slower without this rule. Too bad this isn't enforced for prolonged handshakes.
Thinkstock

Basketball games would go a lot slower without this rule. Too bad this isn't enforced for prolonged handshakes.

Checking From Behind

Someone should be blowing the whistle on catcalls.
Thinkstock

Someone should be blowing the whistle on catcalls.

Holding

For all those moments when the customer service line is experiencing "longer than normal" hold times.
Max Oppenheim / Getty Images

For all those moments when the customer service line is experiencing "longer than normal" hold times.

Illegal Shift

For players who don't establish their position before the snap, and people who decide to scream through emails.
i_yudai (CC BY 2.0) / Via Flickr: y_i

For players who don't establish their position before the snap, and people who decide to scream through emails.

Illegal Motion

Football players need to be careful how they move toward the line of scrimmage, and dancers need to be careful how they flail when their song comes on.
Thinkstock

Football players need to be careful how they move toward the line of scrimmage, and dancers need to be careful how they flail when their song comes on.

Illegal Equipment

A necessary guideline to prohibit certain cleats and certain fedoras.
Thinkstock

A necessary guideline to prohibit certain cleats and certain fedoras.

The rules for making authentic Canadian whisky haven't changed for more than a century. That's why J.P. Wiser's has been crafted and aged in premium white oak barrels since 1857.