1. The real refs were back!
CBS even treated them like they were starters on Monday Night Football.
Note: No, CBS doesn’t have Monday Night Football, but the “Name and college” format will always feel like Monday Night to me.
2. John Parry was so excited to be back he felt like dancing.
3. Tom Brady was pretty pumped when the refs didn’t overturn a touchdown, and Wes Welker laughed at him.
For the non-lip readers: “Fuck you, bitches”
4. But Matt Ryan was even more pumped to get the Carolina Panthers out of the Georgia Dome.
After the game winning field goal, the Falcons quarterback screamed: “Get the fuck off our field.” No word whether he then did a keg stand in the locker room, but he probably did.
5. Domata Peko busted out a little “Gangnam Style” after a sack.
6. Everyone busted out laughing when Demaryius Thomas fumbled for no reason.
7. Santonio Holmes also fumbled for no reason, but he plays for the Jets so that kind of thing is expected.
The 49ers ran it back for a touchdown. Holmes did sustain a pretty serious leg injury on the play.
8. Joe Thomas flopped like he plays basketball for the Los Angeles Clippers
Flop city. Flop, flop city.
9. No seriously, it was the worst.
10. Green Bay learned the dangers of having two players try to intercept the ball at once.
11. While the Redskins learned the dangers of pre-game workouts.
Neither player (Brandon Meriweather and Aldrick Robinson) were able to play yesterday.
12. Jamaal Charles had an insane field-reversing run.
13. That was made possible by the most derp-tacular whiffed block Matt Cassel’s ever thrown.
Cassel’s play actually did free Charles from the backfield, but of course he couldn’t just make the block. He had to whiff and then flail about. Whiff and flail: The Matt Cassel way. (Not that it mattered because the Chargers won. Losing is also the Matt Cassel way.)
14. Lawrence Tynes missed what would have been the game-winning field goal, and the Giants all made great sad faces.
The win made the Eagles the worst 3-1 team in history. Andy Reid must have made some sort of deal with the devil to keep winning games like this.
15. Ramses Barden was sad.
It was Barden’s offensive pass interference that pushed them back to the border of Tynes’ range.
16. Tom Coughlin was sad.
17. But no one is ever sadder (or derpier) than Eli Manning.
18. Except maybe this ball boy in Buffalo who went all out trying to catch a kickoff. Trying.
Update: An earlier version of this post called Jamaal Charles “Josh Charles.” My only crime is that I love SportsNight too much. Derp.
- Milo Yiannopoulos's book has been canceled after he was accused of defending pedophilia.