1. This is Drew Gooden. He plays basketball for the Milwaukee Bucks.
2. He’s had some weird styles over the years. This one was called “The Ducktail.”
3. This one didn’t have a name, but I call it “The Terminally Ill Octopus.”
4. But today, Gooden’s Bucks teammate Marquis Daniels tweeted what may be the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen.
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO DREW GOODEN’S HAIR? Is that mold growing on his head? Is he getting hair plugs based on a recommendation from Tobias Fünke? Are nano-bots crawling over his scalp?
My best guess? I think Drew has an alien growing inside his head that is fighting to get out. This would explain his schizophrenic Basketball IQ, and total lack of understanding when it comes to normal hair styles. It would also explain his draft night suit, which is among the worst assemblages of fabric the earth has ever known.
But that’s just my theory. I want— nay demand real answers.
- The Obama administration, which has been notoriously secretive about its drone policy, said drone strikes have killed up to 116 civilians.
- #AusVotes 2016: Follow our live election day blog as polls open, votes are cast and sausages are sizzled 🇦🇺
- Attorney General Loretta Lynch said she'll accept FBI recommendations in the investigation of Hillary Clinton's private email servers.