1. Since 1979, the Dallas Cowboys have been called “America’s Team.” The name became even bigger in the ’90s, when their squads led by Troy Aikman, Emmit Smith, and Michael Irvin were about as popular (and successful) as a team could be.
3. RGIII, a grateful nation thanks you.
4. Don’t worry, Cowboys Coach Jason Garrett, we didn’t forget the part you played in making this happen.
6. Quick, hide, Jason! Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones looks pissed!
7. Nope. Haven’t seen him all day. Hey, Jerry, look — a squirrel is running away with a money bag on its back.
8. Have to prepare for the football game?
9. It’s… You know what, never mind.
10. Hey, we’d better be quiet. There’s Tony Romo, and he’s talking to himself again.
11. In glorious conclusion:
- A federal judge ruled that Texas can't cut Planned Parenthood out of its Medicaid program.
- According to the World Bank, a child born in 2014, on average, will live for more than 71 years.