He explained why he was hesitant to perform in front of so many people in a new interview with Out magazine.
"Going to this place with all these overly masculine rappers and you're finna be in there throwing a little ass every now and then, touching on dudes and hugging them and kissing them…at some points I was like, 'Should I even do this? I don't feel like they're going to love me like that,'" Lil Nas X said.
However, he decided it was best for him to do his performance as planned.
"[People always say] go where you're accepted and stuff like that, but you can't always just go where you're accepted," he said.
"You've got to go and break down those walls and say, 'This is my space now too,'" Lil Nas X explained.
The “Panini” rapper said it was also hard to constantly be a good representation for the gay community.
"The pressure of living your entire life knowing the identity of what a rapper is supposed to be, what rappers [are supposed to] do, and going out there in front of all these people, it's terrifying," he said.
"[The BET performance] was like jumping in a lake full of sharks and piranhas — and I've had to do that so many times within these last three years.”
“Even coming out, that was terrifying,” Lil Nas X added. “When I put on the costume of Nicki, terrifying."
Although he has moments where he feels “down,” Lil Nas X said he never shows it online because he knows how unforgiving social media can be.
“For me, that's life, and one thing I 100% never do when I'm in these down moments is go to social media with them," he said.
"Because I know that they're going to pass, and what a lot of people like to do is use that against you."
But no matter how he’s feeling, Lil Nas X will always stay true to himself. No one ever said it was easy being a leader.
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