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12 Ways To Tell If You're Dating A Crazy Woman

Contrary to the popular narrative not all women are crazy or overly emotional. However, some women are truly insane. Maybe she'll grow out of it or maybe she needs help. No matter what the reason for your new muse’s behavior, dating her could be a painful experience in more ways than one (insert S&M joke). Here are 12 ways to tell the woman you’re into is completely insane.

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If you have to compare her real personality to a Jenna Marbles or Nicole Arbour sketch

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Sure, Jenna Marbles is funny and Nicole Arbour has a YouTube Channel, but they are parodies (I hope) making fun of the kind of crazy person who will stab you in the leg with a fork.

If she says Achmed the dead terrorist is her spirit animal

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Trust me when someone identifies with any fictional or real terrorist, not just Achmed, that's a warning sign. Of the two women who've told me Achmed the dead terrorist was their spirit animal both were crazy, but only one stabbed me in the leg with a fork.

If she uses the phrase "bad bitch" more than 20 times in a month on any social media profile

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Does this need an explanation? I didn't think so. This is like the woman is choosing to hold up a sign saying "I'm trouble run in fear." Thank them for the sign and move along.

Any variation of the phrase "the court mandated psychiatrist misdiagnosed me. I’m fine."

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People are misdiagnosed, some people are even misdiagnosed by a court mandated psychiatrist. But if a court ordered her to see a psychiatrist, no matter what the diagnoses (correct or not) she has some things to work out. If she feels nothing is wrong she will never make a change. You can’t help her nor could the best psychiatrist in the world. Give her space and move on.

If she quits a job and tells you she was fired

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She’s seeking attention and empathy instead of owning her life. Quitting a job is a choice and not a choice that deserves sympathy most of the time. If she’s fired, sure you buy her some consolatory drinks. But if she quit because she couldn’t handle being corrected by her boss, she needs help and not from you.

If she tells you both her parents are dead, but her mom is alive

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Like Batman both her parents are dead… or so she says to everyone she knows. Until one day… the bomb drops and you find out that her mom is alive. They just don’t get along, so she tells everyone both her parents are dead. You can’t entirely fault the person, we all deal with things differently, but whatever she’s dealing with she’s showing she’s willing to massively alter the truth to fit her narrative. You need to be careful, because she may someday alter the truth about you to fit her narrative.

If she breaks up with you, because you did the dishes

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“Her dishwasher was broken so I did her dishes that had piled up in the sink by hand. She wigged out and dumped me for this because it felt ‘too relationshipy.’ “I’ve learned my lesson and will never do dishes again,” you say to the bartender. The woman a few seats down from you at the bar says, “No. She’s crazy! My name is Amy by the way.” Amy, you were right and I’m sorry I didn’t get your number.

If she starts most stories with the phrase "I swear I'm not crazy" or "So this one bitch"

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Sometimes a story is hard to explain and you sound crazy. Sometimes ‘this one bitch’ completely overreacted… perhaps by stabbing a man in the leg with a fork. But if most of her stories start like this she’s probably the kind of crazy bitch who would stab you in the leg with a fork. If you’re reading this psycho ex highschool girlfriend, I still have the 4 tiny marks in my leg!

If she uses hash tags when having an emotional conversation via text

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Not everyone is good at having emotional conversations in person or over the phone. So sometimes texting turns a bit emotional. Some people can’t handle real words when they text so they use hashtags.

#iloveyouanddonotmeantobeabitch

#sorryigotmadwhenyoucleanedmyplace #ididnotmeantostabyouisawaflyonyourlegandwastryingtokillitdonotthinkiamcompleetlycraycray #likeanadult You get the idea.

She gets mad at you for not liking her selfies

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For some with low self esteem or problems connecting with others emotionally, superficial internet likes are all they have. Heaven help the man who doesn’t like the selfie of a woman who lives for likes. The hell that will come down on you may not end your life, but you won’t be thrilled with the results.

She gets mad at you for liking another women's selfies

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When she lives for likes, you better never set her off by liking another woman's profile photo. You run the risk of a severe overreaction from your would be mate. If you’ve made this mistake don’t make the follow up mistake of suggesting she’s overreacting or that she may require therapy.

If she says "it's fine" and follows up with "so you know what's funny"

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This is how you get stabbed in the leg with a fork. That’s what she thinks is funny. She’s going to hurt you now, emotionally or physically. She’s still upset and she will be taking that anger out on you. Everyone get’s upset from time to time, but if you start seeing a constant stream of anger directed towards you get out and hide your utensils. It’s not likely to get better.

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