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11 Reasons Romantic Comedies Actually Suck

Love sucks. #KeepOnSucking with Jolly Rancher.

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1. The Nerdy Girl Regulation

The nerdy girl MUST get a makeover before she’s considered even remotely valuable. NO GLASSES! EVER!

2. The Fake Magic of Airports

Contrary to popular belief, airports are not some intense, wild hotbed of romantic proclamations. And if someone does in fact rush to the airport to stop you from getting on a plane in order to tell you that they love you, you will likely hold the price of the wasted ticket over their heads for the remainder of your (undoubtedly short) relationship.

3. The Highly Flawed Male

The dude with obvious character flaws always gets the girl in the end. Even the most heinous behaviors are framed as endearing. THIS MUST END.

4. Unrealistic Meet-Cutes

Statistically speaking, your chance of getting hit by lightning is greater than falling off the side of a cruise ship and, beneath the ocean's surface, bumping into a hunky scuba diver who will save and subsequently marry you.

5. The Over 40 Rule

Women over the age of 40 are pretty much hopeless in romantic comedies (and, if not, their against-all-odds story is the crux of the movie).

6. Mortal Enemies Attract (???)

Sometimes, mortal enemies just AREN'T meant to be together. A multibillionaire tycoon who is singlehandedly destroying the world's forest maybe, like, shouldn't date an actual tree woman. Just maybe? IDK.

7. The Big-Apartment Paradox

It's just a fact: A single writer in the city in his or her late twenties or early thirties simply does not have a massive one-bedroom apartment. IT JUST DOESN'T HAPPEN. You are not only lying to us, but you're making us stupid jealous too...FOR NO REASON.

8. TAXI!

Everyone takes cabs everywhere. And yet, they are not fabulously wealthy. (And if they are, you can bet your bottom dollar that they'll rough it at least once in the film, on a bike or a subway.)

9. The Unworthy Best Friend

The best friend is always a wreck to whom no one seems inclined to offer help. It's as if helping the best friend with her relationship problems would throw the earth off of its axis, and we would all seriously cease to exist.

10. No Communication Allowed

There's always a small miscommunication that could be solved in five minutes, but for some reason the thought of addressing it is super out of the question. And so we get 30 minutes of high-octane romantic conflict that could be resolved with a simple, "Hey...did you...? Oh, you didn't? LOL, I thought...OK. OK. Cool. Great."

11. No Couple, No Life

The pervading message is usually "a person isn't a person unless they're in a relationship."

LOL.

No, seriously.

LOL.

Illustrations by Daniel Blaushild © Buzzfeed

And all the feels you get when you watch a rom-com are just...too much.

#KeepOnSucking with Jolly Rancher and feel the love.

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