Meet The Four Types Of Spring Cleaner

Introducing the four different spring-cleaning personas. You know you're one of them. Find out which one exactly you are.

The Various Forms of Spring Cleaner

As warmer weather is around the corner, the change of season not only means more sunshine, but also that it’s a great time to do a thorough house clean. We tend to see four types of spring cleaners. Are you like any of them?

1. The Cray Cray Clean Freak

Marie Kondo, by Riseconf / Via Flickr: riseconf

This type of cleaner has more than a touch of OCD and tends to go all out and throw half of their belongings away during spring cleaning. They are great friends to have, especially if you’re the same size and style. Their mantra is: “Discard everything that does not spark joy.”

Recognizable by: Marie Kondo being on repeat in the background and the house looking like it could belong to a monk, or somebody who can’t afford furniture. You leave wondering how you could make your immersion blender spark joy.

Favorite quote: If I do something not on my to-do list, I have to put it on there just so I can cross it off.

2. The Hygienic Hoarder

Photo by Andrey Popov / Via depositphotos.com

This type of person typically keeps every trinket and other bits and bobs they’ve ever received. Whether it’s sentimental or faux-practical, they have a hard time getting rid of anything. Hoarding truckloads of junk makes cleaning a lot harder so every now and then, the hoarder gets a bee in their bonnet and "tries really hard" to get rid of stuff. They don’t. It’s just all shuffled around really.

Recognizable by: Lots and lots of things absolutely everywhere. This will probably not change. Despite hours of "cleaning," there’s still dust and cobwebs everywhere.

Favorite quote: My theory on housework is if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

3. The Slovenly Spick and Span

Photo by Andrey Popov / Via depositphotos.com

This type of cleaner is lazy and hates cleaning but is image-conscious so will pretend not to be. They only clean visible areas and sweep all the crap under the rug. Anything lying around is shoved into the nearest cupboard.

Recognizable by: On the surface, their house looks great. Just don’t open a cupboard or lift a couch cushion. You’d risk everything in the kitchen sink tumbling out or might discover a rat gnawing on a three-month-old McDonald’s French fry. If you lift the rug, watch out for fungus or hairballs.

Favorite quote: Nothing inspires cleanliness more than an unexpected guest.

4. Dirty Dictators

Photo by Alex Roz / Via depositphotos.com

We’ve all had that friend who just doesn’t clean, right? No matter how generous they are with their beers, you always feel a bit uncomfortable visiting because their house is so dirty you’re afraid of coming into contact with new forms of bacteria. They also don’t take kindly to anyone saying anything about it.

Recognizable by: Their house is a graveyard for takeout boxes and smells kind of funky, even with eight incense sticks burning at a time. Take out insurance before entering. There are serious tripping hazards everywhere, and if you don’t fall over something and break an arm, you may be concussed from crap toppling off shelves and falling on you.

Favorite quote: Housework can’t kill you, but why take the chance?!