back to top

37 Thoughts You Have When Eating A Salad

There is no god.

Posted on
Thinkstock

1. Well, this is gonna suck.

2. I was right. It does suck.

3. Why is my mouth so full of leaves?

4. I've been eating this for a long time and there's still so much left.

5. I hate this.

6. This isn't meant to go in my mouth.

7. I did something wrong and this is my punishment.

8. Why are there no chocolate chips in this?

9. How long do I have to pretend to eat this?

10. How did this ever come to fall under the umbrella of food?

11. I'd rather just drink salad dressing than finish eating this.

12. I've done everything wrong in my life to lead me to this moment.

13. Is there someone out there who genuinely enjoys eating this? If so, we can never be friends.

14. I mean, maybe over time we could grow to love each other, in our own ways, but the salad would always be an issue.

15. Hey, salad. You think you're better than me? You don't even know me.

16. Where did all the cheese go?

17. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHERE ARE YOU, CHEESE?

18. Salad dressing didn't make this any better.

19. YOU LIED TO ME, SALAD DRESSING, YOU LIED!

20. HOW DARE YOU, SALAD DRESSING? I THOUGHT WE WERE BROTHERS.

21. Why is there so much pain and suffering in the world?

22. Who invented the salad?

23. I'd like to go back in time and punch that person right in the mouth.

24. Just kidding. I would go back in time and full-on murder the inventor of salad.

25. And then time travel again to escape the law.

26. Would I be able to live with myself after committing a murder in cold blood?

27. I don't know. Maybe?

28. Will I miss my friends and family and my old life when I become a wanted time fugitive?

29. What if someone else in the future ends up reinventing salad?

30. How many murders is this going to take?

31. Has the time travel altered my sense of morality?

32. What have I become?

33. I've conquered salad, but at what cost?

34. SALAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

35. Life is meaningless.

36. There is no god.

37. I'm hungry.