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19 Reasons Raisins Should Be Put In Jail

Somebody call the food police.

1. Committing identity fraud against chocolate chips.

browneyedbaker.com

You think this is chocolate chip? You've never been more tragically wrong in your life.

2. Trespassing in cinnamon bread.

Flickr: roland

This is private, delicious bread property. Get out.

3. Harassing peanut butter and celery.

angieinpink.blogspot.com

Is this some kind of sick joke? You leave them alone!

4. Public ice cream intoxication.

yelp.com

Raisins, are you drunk right now? On rum?

5. Being a dried up version of another thing — without a license.

Flickr: gudlyf

You know who has a license? Beef jerky.

6. Swimming in a prohibited rice pudding zone.

goodiesbyanna.typepad.com

Nobody wants you here.

7. Mob activity in trail mix.

Flickr: maryamandathompson

No self-respecting trail mix would associate with raisins unless it was being threatened.

8. Stalking bran flakes.

Flickr: maryamandathompson

Can you imagine trying to live your life as a bran flake? Knowing anytime you turn the corner, there is a raisin, watching, waiting.

9. Murdering a perfectly good cinnamon roll.

julieskitchen.typepad.com

In cold blood.

10. Aiding and abetting boiled raisin cake.

theveganmouse.blogspot.com

This should not be a thing.

11. Misappropriating valuable chocolate.

fooddigital.com

There are 5 million-plus better uses for this chocolate.

12. Illegally immigrating to chicken salad.

momontimeout.com

No one gave you a visa for this.

13. Illegal dumping in bread pudding.

natalieselavy.com

You just can't leave the puddings alone, can you?

14. False advertising.

Flickr: jdhancock

There's no pretty lady in this box. Only disgusting raisins.

15. Kidnapping these mini muffins.

junieatbakery.wordpress.com

They're just tiny, innocent muffins! Let them go!

16. Holding this bagel hostage.

stickafork.net

I hope the cream cheese comes with a SWAT team.

17. Disorderly conduct.

Via decisivelatino.com

You'll never be Marvin Gaye, you smug singing, dancing raisins.

18. Serving as a disturbing reminder of our own mortality.

Flickr: lara604

Not technically a crime, but it should be. We all shall age and wither. Don't rub it in our face, raisin.

19. Emotional distress.