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Disclaimer: Not all Sad Dads included. All personalities are strictly based on a two-dimensional caricature of the wonderful people I know and love who are whole and interesting and delightful. Remember, Sad Dad™ is not a title, it's a state of mind

Which Sad Dad™ Are You?

Open your gullet and knock her back. What is going down said gullet?

What is your drink of choice?

If ya had to pick one, don't lie to yourself

What word would you use to describe yourself?

Pick your spirit animal.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Which photo of Jordan do you like the most?

What was your high school superlative?

Pick a profile picture.

An ethereal being of pure light the likes of which mortals shouldn't have the privilege of seeing. You know you're better than everyone else when you walk into a room but you're also humble enough to make sure not everyone knows it. An unholy blend of humor and flawless skin that makes Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson himself say "damn, I wish that were me."

Anjali

CONGRATULATIONS! Don't tell the other quizgoers, but there was absolutely a right answer and you got it you beautiful bitch. You're a person whose poise and modesty is only rivaled by being the best in the entire world. Known for your humility and habit of peeing places you shouldn't, you are the centerpiece of every party until your anxiety gets the best of you and you meander home.

Jordan

YOU SWEET SWEET INDIVIDUAL! Your friends don't get to see you as often as they'd like but when they do their hearts swell with love and admiration that in the long run may lead to some very serious medical conditions. Nevertheless, your a favorite among the people you associate with and they can never get enough of you (or your killer artwork, as seen @my\_kevins on Instagram).

Kevin

HAH I bet you thought this would be an insult. But it's not. Mostly. You fondly refer to yourself as garbage but you know deep down you're much more than that. You're garbage with a heart. With goals. And a kickass sense of style that says both hobo and runway at the same time.

Marla

You're the good girl gone bad that Cobra Starship warned us about. Except that you're still good and the bad is just drinking and horrible puns. So not that bad at all. But what you ARE is a hoot and a half that is just as good at downing beers on a Tuesday as you are at consoling the rest of the Sad Dads about their sad sad lives. Indeed you are the glue that keeps those around you together.

Michelle

You nugget of a person. Much like your rich aunt who has cut ties with the family but still shows up to Christmas just to complain, you probably don't want to be out right now. But unlike my Aunt Clarissa, you make the best of it. Though you'd rather be on a porch drinking white wine at a frankly alarming rate, you know how to go have a good time and always have an ear ready to listen to some shit-talking.

Nancy

There's a reason the iPhone autocorrects Patty into Party. Because that's exactly what you are. You are genuinely so much fun that no one is quite sure how you're also such an intelligent and capable human. Although you yourself would doubt that, those who you surround yourself with admire both your future goals, and your ability to drink a Four Loko in under 10 minutes.

Patty

Abby

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Which Sad Dad™ Are You?

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