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my interests include long walks on the beach holding hands & not talkin bout torture
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Heinous insults on the streets of London #MuslimBanprotest #MuslimBan
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Theresa May met some children today and it went GREAT.
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2017's hottest new techno thriller. Jeremy Corbyn is Jason Bourne in The Bourne Incompetency.
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Did anyone else see Theresa May eating a fish during PMQs earlier? #PMQs #Budget2017
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Thursday: Noel Fielding named host of GBBO Fri: George Osborne new editor of Evening Standard Sat: Sonic the Hedgehog becomes Labour leader
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'She said she wasn't going to call a general election' Theresa May:
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Political journalists at the start of 2014 V political journalists at the end of 2017
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On balance I'm thinking chaos with Ed Miliband might have been the simpler option
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"NOT ANOTHER ONE!" Watch Brenda's reaction when I tell her that the PM wants a General Election. Safe to say, she'… https://t.co/ORtKQj1wLN
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Paul Nuttall is currently locked himself in this room and is refusing to say if he will fight a seat at the electio… https://t.co/2YzCbcguuk
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Fact: Everyone that voted brexit shouts WAHEY when someone drops a pint in a pub
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Just choose a fucking colour.
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I'm not convinced the Conservatives thought this poster launch through.
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"I love these tasty human potato sticks" "Chips, Theresa, they are called..." "STRONG AND STABLE POTATO STICKS"
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I have so many questions
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Coming soon to ITV2: BURNHAM, a tough northern detective who breaks the rules but always gets results.
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If you say "strong and stable" three times into a mirror then Theresa May will appear and close your local A&E
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It's the remix to ignition Hot and fresh out the kitchen 4,000 homes for rough sleepers And you won't have to pay f… https://t.co/6gNfp8Lphx
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Find someone who looks at you like Tim Farron looks at Nick Clegg
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Rees Mogg totally nailing the 'family who take you in after your car breaks down in the storm in Tales of the Unexp… https://t.co/jlny1wa5EV
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Every single one of these men from last night's Question Time would keep your ball if it landed in their garden.
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me: i respect everyone regardless of who they vote for me in the pub on a friday night:
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I hope to one day be as excited by anything as this young man is about Theresa May's campaign speech
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This picture looks like Tim Farron has just saved the earth from a giant asteroid in the worst Michael Bay film ev… https://t.co/jXgkPgACwm
28.
Want to feel old? This is what Bucks Fizz look like now 👀 #Eurovision
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#Eurovision Harsh, but fair.
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Theresa May's Facebook Live interview is going well
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Is it just me or is Paul Nuttall just walking on the spot in the UKIP party political broadcast? Hahaha 🤔🤔
32.
this vulture from the jungle book died and was replaced by a lookalike: a conspiracy theory thread
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"Activate them" "You couldn't possibly mean..." "Yes. The Home Counties Tories" "God have mercy"
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he whomsoever that canst draw the motorola from this carriageway shall be kinge of all post brexit englandde
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"pssst, Mrs May, stand like a human being" "a what" "a human person" "I am" "but" "this is my best standing human p… https://t.co/FU1ySiUpr3
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Am I the only person wondering why 1980s Tom Cruise was in the car with Corbyn? #corbyncar
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The Sunday Sport: ‘teenage Jeremy Corbyn squashed girl’s pet rabbit with his pogo stick’ https://t.co/aNAH2S4toA
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'Shhh I've only had 5 beers.' 'You've had 15.' 'It's closer to 10.'
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"Never have I ever ran through a field of wheat"
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Astonishing that the BBC are so blatant about it
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roses are red politics is gory
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May now insisting all interviews take place in a rural warehouse and that interviewer comes alone, no cops.
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I see Corbyn's fallen for the office "Fancy-dress Friday" prank again
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When you start to realise you shouldn't have agreed to cover your mates shift at work #BBCDebate #wherestheresa
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that went well. #BBCDebate
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Hahahah this is excellent @Ed_Miliband
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"Hello, my name is Jeremy Corbyn and I would like to talk to you about my *reads hand* policies."
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GROOT: "I am Groot" HODOR: "Hodor!" THERESA MAY: "Strong and stable leadership"
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When you're out with the lads and get back in the taxi after a tactical vom.
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The year is 2032. Great Britain holds a referendum every three seconds. The country is ankle deep in ballot papers. Biros are currency.
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Folks, the Brits have Elmo, Boss Hogg, and Trash Can Darth Vader as candidates. They never get to make fun of our e… https://t.co/7b2CnidX9s
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"If you're just joining us everything is on fire." #GE2017
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turned on the BBC and i forgot how absoloutely mental the election graphics packages are. this man is in PS2 Parlia… https://t.co/p3DlHsiNXM
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Never piss off wheat farmers in key marginals
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In case our oversees friends are curious about what's happening in British politics:
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'Would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those pesky kids...' #GE2017
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.@theresa_may Hey girl, are you British Rail? Cos you're getting publicly owned.
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"Give me the mandate to speak for Britain. Give me the mandate to fight for Britain, and give me the mandate to del… https://t.co/5J5genxZyk
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This is giving me life rn.
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"Well, David, the British people have spoken, and I think they've made very clear that what they like is absolute pandaemonium"
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My message to the people of the UK: Don't worry, I've got this. #GE2017
65.
when you walk back into the sesh after throwing up
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"I got us into this mess, I'm going to get us out of it", says Theresa May.
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If Vince doesn't run with the Leadership campaign slogan 'Strong and Cable' then, quite frankly, he doesn't deserve to be Lib Dem leader
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Corbyn: "democracy is a wondrous thing that throws up some unexpected results" May:
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Can't leave the EU if you can't form a government
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I'm enjoying the irony of this looking like a gay wedding ceremony that neither set of parents entirely approve of.… https://t.co/R2XC9Ymg43
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Tory-DUP deal is like when your mum never had money for ice cream but still sent you to the shop to get cigs.
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PICTURED: Government begins removal of any evidence of dinosaurs from the UK following deal with the DUP.
73.
*FBI knocks on the door* "Nigel Farage? never heard of him"
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If you iron Gordon Ramsay you end up with Keir Starmer.
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I see the Brexit negotiations are going well
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"Why do BIRDS suddenly appear..."
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when your mum shouts dinners ready but its not actually ready so you're just sat there like
78.
The UKIP lion looks like it's just been told its dinner is halal.
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More than 22,000 users are currently tracking flight #KQ100 en route to London. According to media #PritiPatel is… https://t.co/WEl4UYlQkK
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"We've met Benjamin Netanyahu by mistake"
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Meanwhile on Downing Street roof, the Prime Minister eagerly awaits Priti's return from Kenya... #PritiPatel… https://t.co/FdpfhFLJZw
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At an "acid corbynism" event. Absolute scenes.
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Not sure why but I photoshopped the dude handing May a copy of Iron Maiden's Powerslave and it's good.
84.
This is what happens when you send the Poles home.
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Boris Johnson: I'm going to be responsible for the biggest disaster at Tory conference Set designer: Hold my b r
86.
Theresa May is living the first verse of Lose Yourself by Eminem in front of our eyes.
87.
Source tells me ISIS have claimed responsibility for Theresa May's speech
88.
*coughs*
89.
"I'll proceed directly to the intravenous injection of hard drugs, please"
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The face on the guy behind is something special.
91.
World’s shittiest petting zoo
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Theresa was not impressed by Angela and Emmanuel's impromptu beatbox battle.
93.
Let's pause a moment to admire the total success of David Cameron's plan to use the Brexit referendum to heal the divisions in his party.
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John Redwood, Conservative MP for Mordor. #redsun
95.
This 2015 tweet from Cameron now reads like a wish granted by a cursed monkey paw.
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I like to think that with each Brexit front page The Mail is becoming more like me trying to deal with my kids.
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@theresa_may
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All the average British punter wants is to be paid less than £10 an hour and be incinerated in a nuclear holocaust, and good luck to em
100.
If I lose just six seats I will lose this election and Jeremy Corbyn will be sitting down to negotiate with Europe: https://t.co/OwbfDseOJh