12. Tampa Bay could buy 4,592,876,777 lady bugs with their $23,675,539.
Which are currently on sale for the bargain price of $7.99 for “approximately 1,550” bugs. They could unleash the bugs to confuse opponents while Glennon attempts to complete a pass.
11. Baltimore could buy 9,770 African ravens with their $24,425,100…
…to join their existing mascot, creating a massive flock that would descend on the stadium before each game like an evil cloud of death. As for away games, well…
8. Green Bay could purchase 59 acres of land outside the city and build a roller coaster on it with their $29,338,930…
…that would be free and open to the public, of course. State-of-the-art steel coasters in the “extreme” class only cost $20 million. So… what are they waiting for?
6. Miami could buy three 110-foot yachts with their $33,948,273.
Plus a year of dock fees at a Miami marina. Then they could throw a tri-yacht party for fans with their $2.5 million in leftover cash, which would cover 51,344 bottles of champagne.
4. Minnesota could buy a decommissioned Greek landing craft with their $41,250,093…
3. Cleveland could buy 213,053,083 cups of brown dye with their $49,218,350…
…which they could use to dye Lake Erie brown, or any number of smaller, less significant lakes extremely dark brown.
2. Jacksonville could rebuild the Jaguar supercomputer and run it for a year with their $51,873,848.
During this time, Jaguar could use its 25 teraflops to calculate the perfect free-agent strategy for next season.
All cap data current as of March 10, 2014
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