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12 Ridiculous But Awesome Things Football Teams Should Buy

Free agency gives certain teams serious spending power. These are just a few of the possibilities. Brought to you by Jim Beam® Bourbon.

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12. Tampa Bay could buy 4,592,876,777 lady bugs with their $23,675,539.

stevendamron / CC BY http://2.0 / Via Flickr: sadsnaps

Which are currently on sale for the bargain price of $7.99 for "approximately 1,550" bugs. They could unleash the bugs to confuse opponents while Glennon attempts to complete a pass.

8. Green Bay could purchase 59 acres of land outside the city and build a roller coaster on it with their $29,338,930...


...that would be free and open to the public, of course. State-of-the-art steel coasters in the "extreme" class only cost $20 million. So... what are they waiting for?

6. Miami could buy three 110-foot yachts with their $33,948,273.

ozz13x / CC BY http://2.0 / Via Flickr: 24931020@N02

Plus a year of dock fees at a Miami marina. Then they could throw a tri-yacht party for fans with their $2.5 million in leftover cash, which would cover 51,344 bottles of champagne.

4. Minnesota could buy a decommissioned Greek landing craft with their $41,250,093...

...and battle-ready Viking armor, broadswords, and axes for their entire roster, send them to a medieval combat class, contract a mission supply specialist from the U.S. Army, purchase rations, fuel, and supplies, then send the team on an off-season adventure to reconquer (old) England.

3. Cleveland could buy 213,053,083 cups of brown dye with their $49,218,350...

Matthew Simoneau / CC BY http://2.0 / Flickr: matthewsim / Erik Daniel Drost / CC BY http://2.0 / Flickr: edrost88

...which they could use to dye Lake Erie brown, or any number of smaller, less significant lakes extremely dark brown.

2. Jacksonville could rebuild the Jaguar supercomputer and run it for a year with their $51,873,848.

NASA Goddard Space Flight Center / CC BY http://2.0 / Via Flickr: 35278629@N08

During this time, Jaguar could use its 25 teraflops to calculate the perfect free-agent strategy for next season.

1. And Oakland could buy a U.S. soccer franchise with their $63,783,470.

stevendepolo / CC BY http://2.0 / Via Flickr: stevendepolo

The league is expanding, and existing teams are valued at less than Oakland's mighty cap space. Maybe soccer is a bright future for Oakland?

All cap data current as of March 10, 2014

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