In two months, I’m going to be a soldier in the Israeli army.
I don’t really have a choice in the matter. If I refuse to be drafted I go to jail for two years. If I miraculously find a legal way to avoid service, I still have no choice.
I’ll be a “disgrace” to my family. My grandparents will never speak to me again and my parents will take years to forgive me, if they ever do.
I will never be able to find a job, because what you did in the army is part of your resume and if it’s missing you’re screwed.
I’ll never make any new friends because they gave two years of their life while I just “sat and did nothing”.
I’ll never date.
Unless you have a medical problem that makes you a legal liability to the army, you’re in.
So in two months I’m going to be a soldier in the Israeli army.
Sometimes your country does things that you hate. Really really hate. Like agreeing to the moving of the embassy. Like killing 60 protesters and injuring over a thousand others. Like occupying a people that have really, truly, been through enough.
I’m planning on moving to New York after the army. I don’t think I’ll be able to stay here. I’m a green card holder, it’s a relatively simple solution for me.
Women don’t fight at the front. We have a few female pilots but that’s it. I’ll probably have a desk job. Get some jackass sergeant coffee all day. I might do something HR like. I might help soldiers who’ve made Aliya settle in and learn Hebrew.
And I might train 18 year old boys to be killers.
I’m so jealous. I’m so jealous that in some countries when you’re 18 you can go off to college and study what you love and be drunk and high for four years.
I’m very well aware that the Palestinians in Gaza have it a lot worse than I do. I’m not writing this out of self pity. I do feel like I have to explain myself, why I will in fact be part of that organization.
Honestly, if the only repercussion for refusing to enlist was army prison, I’d refuse to enlist. But I’d be disowned by my family, I’d never get a job, and I’d be unable to maintain my green card, and I’d lose it and be stuck here.
It’s an ingenious strategy. Not only is it illegal not to enlist, you become a social pariah.
when the British mandate had control over Palestine/Israel there was a group of “zionists” that blew up a hotel full of diplomats in Jerusalem to get what they believed was their rightful country.
And now we’re shooting at people who scaled a fence for what they believe is their rightful country.
I am mad at my government. I am mad at my self. I am mad that a semi dictator of a different country is controlling my life. This directly affects me. And everyone else in Israel and Palestine, because wars are destructive, and that’s exactly where we’re headed.
There is so much more I want to say. I don’t think I can keep writing this without having a mental breakdown.
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