We recently asked the BuzzFeed Community to share what happened after they began dating the person they cheated on their partners with.
The answers were pretty varied, with some more or less saying it led to a life of sheer bliss, and others saying it was the worst decision they'd ever made.
Here are 21 of them:
1. "I left my husband to be with someone else because we had no sex life and the sex with the new guy was amazing and he completely love-bombed me, making me feel attractive after feeling sexually ignored in my marriage for years. The new guy ended up being a controlling, manipulative narcissist and the most emotionally damaging relationship I’ve ever been in. I stayed for over a year before I was able to get out and went to a lot of therapy and did a lot of self-help to figure out why I did that to myself."
"I still feel insanely guilty for what I did. My husband wasn’t the one and we had problems beyond my understanding at the time. We probably would not have worked out anyways but I wish we had ended it in a better way and I had been more respectful." —RainbowBrite826
2. "Not me, but my mom cheated on my dad with her work partner. He was also married at the time. Both pairs got divorced, and now they're married to each other, moved to a different country, and had a kid of their own! BUT one time my mom told me that if my dad ever wanted to try again, she would go back to him."
—Anonymous
3. "I had been in love with my coworker for YEARS and knew that if he ever gave me a chance I'd blow my life up to be with him. I finally couldn't take it anymore so I poured my heart out to him and it turns out he felt the same way all along! So I left my fiance and he left his long-term girlfriend and one year later we're married with a baby! It was always supposed to be him, our lives just never lined up to allow it, we had to make it happen. We are so blissfully in love it's disgusting."
4. "I cheated on my husband with a coworker about 5 months after having my son. We had been together for almost 8 years at that point. I knew it was over when he chose video games over me and our son. I have now been with the man I cheated with for 5 years. I’m much happier and honestly wouldn’t change what I did. I know I hurt him but it was worth it for all the pain and hurt he put myself and our son through for not choosing us."
—Anonymous
5. "I was in a miserable, soul-sucking marriage to a woman who cheated multiple times. The marriage lasted 18 years, but it ended the day I met the love of my life, and I knew we were meant to be together the moment I laid eyes on her. That was 10 years ago. My marriage ended, I married the girl of my dreams and we've had an incredible marriage. I'm a very happy guy."
—Anonymous
6. "I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and I was so unhappy but didn't have the confidence to leave. I cheated with someone I liked, who was kind to me. I know it was absolutely the wrong thing to do, I was caught up in the drama and excitement. I broke up with my ex after I had a breakdown and he didn't care. I felt so so free and happy. I started a real relationship with the person I cheated with, we've been together 11 years, are married, and have a child. I shouldn't have cheated, that was trashy, I should have left sooner but at the time it felt so overwhelming and impossible. I'm happy now."
7. "I left my fiancé of six years for a guy I randomly met (six years younger than me) and started cheating on him with. We have now been together over seven years with two kids and I’ve never been happier. No one in my life understood why I did it. But no one in my life could see the micromanaging/controlling side of my ex that made me go crazy every day. Never settle!!"
8. "I was with my first wife (B) for seven years. She had slowly become this person I could barely stand to be around. We had become friends with another couple, really good friends. One night after a lot of drinking, there was a soft swap (nothing below the belt). We all agreed shortly after that it was a bad idea, mostly because it was clear there was a connection between me and the other woman (M). Fast forward a few months and my first wife got pregnant with our second child. Things weren’t going great and soon my wife told me she was planning on leaving me after the birth of our second child. It was just a power play to get me to stop traveling for work (mind you she traveled more than I did). Eventually, M and I started talking again, which in turn led to confessions about how we each felt about the other, and then progressed into a few meet-ups over the course of a few weeks. We finally both had enough and told our spouses that we were getting divorced."
"It’s been six years and we’re just now starting to get along with my ex. My new wife M and I work really hard to communicate and see a therapist in order to make sure we are always strengthening our relationship. I have never been happier and know I’m with my soul mate." —Anonymous
9. "I left my boyfriend of seven years for my neighbor and he left his wife of 16 years for me. We’ve been together for two years now and engaged for one. He’s absolutely my soulmate. We felt bad for a while about what we had done but when you know...you just know. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. There is a reason we both ended up in that bay and I know it was the universe."
10. "I had fallen out of love, and then the right person walked in the door. We worked together, and at first, I did everything I could to avoid him. But I knew my life had changed the moment I saw him. We married four years later and are happier than ever before."
"My partner and I had planned a life together, but I knew it wasn't right for me. I just wanted it to be right for me. I would feel a little bad, except I was quick about breaking it off once the new relationship started. He was hurt, and I hope he's found a better life for himself." —Afan
11. "My ex was fat, the girl I cheated with was skinny, and that was my excuse. I was a complete moron. Listen to me. It's not worth it. My ex was the best person I've ever known and I miss her love and companionship more than anything. She was beautiful, she was kind, she was smart and funny and she was good to me, and I had so many excuses for why I couldn't be what she needed me to be. I wish I could press rewind."
—Anonymous
12. "I didn't actually cheat on my ex, but he was super paranoid that I was cheating on him with his brother because his brother and I were good platonic friends who met at college! My ex DID cheat on ME though, and when I found out I immediately slept with his brother to piss him off. Turns out we were insanely compatible and we've been married for 16 years so I guess thank you to my cheating, paranoid ex!"
—Anonymous
13. "I cheated on and left my girlfriend for a very hot, but straight girl. So you could imagine how quickly that fizzled out, she gave me butterflies but when it came down to getting intimate other than sexual things it felt lacking. My ex girlfriend was not the greatest partner either, and so when I came back she did not hesitate to take me back. We dated another year but are no longer together and I’m best friends with the straight girl to this day!"
—Anonymous
14. "My relationship with an emotionally abusive dude had been declining for years. I even started packing to leave him and he didn't notice. There was a friend of mine that I'd had a silly crush on for years. I didn't question he and I hanging out more, because it was usually a group hang, and I thought he could never possibly be attracted to me. My friend and I went to a house party one night. Not even halfway through the night, he said he was having a panic attack. I drove him home, because I'd driven us together. We ended up kissing for maybe 10 seconds. I immediately apologized and left. When I got home, my boyfriend was awake and I broke up with him (1:38 a.m.). The friend and I ended up getting married a few years later."
"I've had a ton of people say, 'once a cheater, always a cheater,' but that hasn't been my experience." —andartichokehearts
15. "Fucking horrible. I had a boyfriend of 10 years, but we had been having issues for ages and suddenly I met someone out of the blue that seemed like my actual soul mate. I gave up everything and gave him everything for a year even though he was immature and insecure, and it's ending now and it's the worst thing I've ever been through. He decided he needs time to "figure himself out" and has become the most despicable disrespectful horrid person, but he's convinced he's doing nothing wrong. My entire life is in tatters and I completely deserve it."
—Anonymous
16. "There’s no excuse for cheating, but there are extenuating circumstances. I was abused my whole childhood, and I ended up married at 18 to a guy who stalked and groomed me. He abused me physically and emotionally for 20 years. Toward the end, I went down on my knees praying every hour for God to heal my marriage. Instead, I fell in love with a close friend I’d known for nine years. I just wanted to know what making love would be like without fear — life is short. I wanted to feel love without fear. That was the catalyst that gave me the strength to break free. The guy I cheated with has been my partner now for 20 years, and it was worth it. I’m finally healing from a lifetime of abuse."
"I wish it had happened differently because we both feel ashamed of how we got together, but it’s easy to look back and imagine doing something different. Like not marrying an abuser!" —aprild443f32ff0
17. "My first husband was the cheater, not me. We were married for three years. He cheated with my married best friend. We all divorced. About a year later, I married my divorce lawyer (the son of long-time family friends), and husband #1 married my best friend. I’ve had a solid, happy life — married 32 years, and raised four kids. They’ve stayed together but, per his sisters, he repeatedly cheated on her."
"I don’t wish them any ill will. It’s so long ago now, it feels like it happened to someone else. But God definitely led me to a much better man after going through that hell. (Husband #1 and I never had kids — they’re all from #2. My ex has never had any kids.)" —quizzygem48
18. "My boyfriend was married when we first got together. It was an extremely difficult marriage full of verbal abuse, emotional abuse, gaslighting, the works. Once he found THOUSANDS of dollars of hidden credit card debt and she tried to file for bankruptcy behind his back, it was over. But this was March 2020, COVID just hit, and his confidence was at an all-time low, so he cheated. It’s something we have both had to struggle with to come to terms with it. But I truly believe we are soulmates and we were inevitable."
"I wish we started in a more socially acceptable way, but I also think our society vilifies cheaters in a way that’s not always 100% correct. Serial cheaters? Sure. But life is hard, and sometimes mistakes are made by good people. I wouldn’t trade my life with him for anything, he is truly my best friend. Mistakes were made, but I still believe we are worthy of a good life together." —jessnicole62194
19. "My husband and I got married when he was 18 and I was 17 because he was going to enlist. I was just a stupid teen and didn’t realize how hard it is to be alone. I lived with my parents for a couple months before he sent me enough money to buy a home. I was sad and lonely in an empty house. It was sad because I knew he missed me a lot from his letters, but I didn’t miss him. All my friends from school and some boys took a camping trip to a fishing hole to celebrate the start of their senior year (I dropped out of high school when I got married but it would have been my senior year too if I stayed in school) and I tagged along. It was a blast, and I had lots of fun. After the trip one of the boys ended up visiting me all the time. He would come to my house and we would talk for hours (we never did anything sexual). I ended up divorcing my husband for him."
"I don’t regret marrying my now husband, but I do regret the way I left my ex, but I was only 19 at the time." —Sam
20. "I had an emotional affair with one of my then-fiancés friends. My relationship was abusive, lonely, and miserable. I didn’t realise I deserved anything more than that. The 'friend' and I are now happily celebrating our six-year wedding anniversary. I do have regrets about the way I handled things but I absolutely do not agree with "once a cheater…'"
—Ongo
21. And finally, "I left my husband for the other man (who also left his wife for me) at the beginning of 2021 because I felt so unseen by my husband and felt like he just 'tolerated' me. The new guy love-bombed me with messages and texts and showered me with affection and compliments and it felt like he always made me a priority. I honestly felt like we were made for each other. We started making plans to move in together. Fast forward to Thanksgiving 2022, when I found multiple pictures of nude women on his computer and confronted him about them. Turns out he had been having multiple online affairs for most of our relationship."
"Looking back, I ignored a lot of yellow flags and even six months later, I still feel so stupid that I want to punch the air when I think about him." —brandin488fdb2f1
