We recently asked the BuzzFeed Community to share some of the "red flags" they initially missed in their partners, but we were also curious about the kinds of things they consider "green flags" in a relationship.
Here are some of the responses:
1. "Zero toxic masculinity present. I like a man that is comfortable enough with himself to not be afraid to like things that are stereotypically classified as 'feminine.' Too many dudes think they’re too manly to love cats or enjoy a fancy cocktail for example."
2. "When he’s grateful for small things."
3. "My now-husband and I went to karaoke a lot when we first started dating. His 'go-to' karaoke song is Mariah Carey’s 'Hero.' This man cannot sing to save his life, but the commitment he had to screeching every high note was a deal-sealer for me."
—Anonymous
4. "When they are actively excited to participate in their partner's interests."
—Anonymous
5. "Finding someone who is just as weird as you! When my girlfriend revealed the full name of one of her cats to be Sir Fluffestein Von Strudelburger, I knew I found my one!"
6. "Kindness to animals, and animals’ acceptance of your partner. When I met my husband, I had two rescue cats — one bold and the other skittish. He left the skittish cat alone until she came to him on her own. The first time she spent time with him, she fell asleep on his lap, and it felt like her seal of approval."
"She’d never come out of hiding for any other boyfriend, friend, or family member. She was so shy, my family used to tease me, saying that I had a fictional cat! After our cats passed away, we started fostering dogs, and he is just as good with dogs recovering from trauma. A person who respects an animal enough to pay attention to its signals, give it space, and show it kindness will also likely treat partners with respect. If you want to quickly screen out assholes, get a pet."
7. "Greeting my dogs before he greets me."
8. "Being absolutely unpretentious and explaining enthusiastically when I ask about stuff other guys would mock me for not knowing."
—Anonymous
9. "Over-tipping! Like Steve Martin in the movie My Blue Heaven. If you can afford it, leave as much as you can. Servers deal with the worst parts of our population for almost no money. I’ve heard so many stories of people who were able to catch up on their late rent or pay a bill that was sent to collections all because someone left them a huge tip."
10. "They’re in therapy."
11. "You can laugh together during sex."
—Anonymous
12. "Someone who owns up to their mistakes and isn’t afraid to say sorry. It’s easy for egos to get in the way, but if you truly love someone, you take responsibility for what you do and apologize when needed."
13. "Taking things off your plate without asking. I’ve dated people who were all about grand gestures, and I thought those were amazing in my early 20s. Then, I met the man I ended up marrying (and have been with for 10 years now). Early in our relationship, I was having a super busy week and mentioned I had to go to Home Depot to grab something. An hour later, he texted me to just come home because he ran my errand for me. It really is the little things. He cared and still to this day cares about making my life easier. Major green flag."
14. "Kindness and a nurturing nature. Totally must-haves."
15. "When they send me pictures or texts when they see something they like or are excited about. Even silly things like them spotting a duck in the wild and being excited about it. It makes me feel like they want to share their excitement with me."
16. "Making an effort with your family."
—Anonymous
17. "Not having to change for them is amazing! My girlfriend finds my stimming super cute! Only way I 'change' is by making sure I'm not holding any sharp, pointy objects or double checking that she's not in the line of fire when I do stim because I wave my hands around."
18. And finally, "How you feel when you meet them in person for the first time. Every time I've met someone I wanted in my life (not just romantically!), my body has felt calm. I have anxiety and people-pleasing tendencies, so I've had to learn to tell when it's my anxiety talking vs. an actual problem. If my body is relaxed, it's usually a good sign. It works differently for everyone, but some deep part of us recognizes good things."
—Anonymous