Surviving Weekends With The Family 101

Whether it's summer vacation or just the weekend, being home with the family can be rough! Benjamin Franklin famously said that "guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days. " I do not want to stink. I want it to go smoothly. So here are three big tips!

Don't Talk About Politics

Avoid politics like a chimpanzee with a load gun. Political beliefs are like dildos, nobody wants to talk about how great yours is and have it rammed down their throats...unless they are into that. Anyways, politics is a minefield with family. A family can be comprised of people of many different views. SO be careful.

"So what have you been doing?"

If you work in a toll booth, while your brother is a lawyer, this question is worse than deep throating a hot curling iron. No one wants to feel like a loser. They look at you like you are barley surviving. Your family begins to slip you money and handouts, which is every homeless guys' wet dream. So lie that you are doing well or bring up how your lawyer brother got that triple homicide guy off?

In-Laws

In-laws is Latin for the human form of a headache. However, there are the rare few that get along swell with their in-laws and flaunt it. WE HATE THEM. We all have that one in-law we do not get along with. The Mother, The Father, The Brother, The Sister etc. Have a safe-word with your significant other that you say casually to indicate that things are NOT going well like "Pineapples", "The Turkey is moist" or "Your brother is an asshole." I would not suggest the last one.