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2. A beer funnel, but for champagne because in 2018 you make CLASSY poor decisions.
3. Or a regular set of 30 plastic champagne flutes designed with shiny glittery goodness because our futures are bright...right?
4. A bulk box of Advil guaranteed to be the best party favor ever, because no one wants to start the new year off hungover.
5. A set of 26 photo booth props perfect for anyone who is going for the most Instagramable New Year's Eve party yet!
6. A happy new year banner just in case people forget what they're celebrating and why they're in your house.
7. A three-pack of Tide To Go for when someone inevitably spills their $10 drink on your $80 dress and is somehow upset with YOU.
8. A pack of New Year's Eve decorations ideal for anyone throwing an end-of-the-year bash at their place. Pro tip: surround yourself with other people who also hated 2017!
9. A four-pack of disco ball tumblers that are so fabulous I just had them shipped to my house because WOW I never want to drink from a boring normal glass again. New year, new me.
10. A champagne balloon with fun tassles that will be a perfect addition to your party photobooth.
11. A set of ten notecards so you can spend the countdown to 2018 writing your friends and loved ones sweet notes to start their new year off with an unexpected letter.
12. A DIY drinking card game to have everyone taking a drink sooner or later!
13. A rockin' outfit if you're courageous enough to venture out of your house this New Year's Eve.
14. A pair of flats to come in handy at 1am when you're on your way home and cursing the inventor of heels. These guys will fold up into your bag for when you'll really need them!
15. A monogramed champagne flute for the fanciest party hosts among us. Oh Mr. Gatsby, I didn't realize this was your house.
16. A spray that creates a layer of protection between you and your most painful pair of shoes. This spray is sure to come in handy in preparation for a long night out on the town.
17. A rainbow chrome bracelet that is also a FLASK. Look, I'm just trying to help you live your best life in 2018 and this is as good a start as any.
18. Or if you're like me and don't want to go out for NYE, get this sleeping mask that'll send a clear message to your friends and family: don't wake me up until 2017 is OVER!
Farewell to the shit show that was 2017!!!!!
The reviews for this post have been edited for length and clarity.