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63 Thoughts I Had After I Moved From Germany To The US

This move has surely changed my life for the better even though I've been missing Kinder and pretzels all along.

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1. You call this bread? We call this toast.

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2. How many napkins can one use after one meal?

3. Wetzel's Pretzels? LOL. Have a real pretzel!

4. How can I position myself on the toilet so that people can't see me pee with these big ol' gaps?

Picasa 3.0 / Via ukdesperatehousewifeusa.com

5. Everything is so big!

6. Why are you so fascinated with guns?

7. I wish I could have my German healthcare back!

8. Multiple choice tests at university? Yikes. This country wants her people to stay dumb. We don't even get these in first grade!

9. Your speed limit is 65mph? Fuuuuuuck. I gotta slow down!

I miss this sign!
Via en.wikipedia.org

I miss this sign!

10. I have to pay BEFORE filling up gas?

11. Why am I walking around in the mall with a sweater on while it's 100 degrees outside? Someone turn the A/C down!

12. Can't. Use. Too. Much. TP. Toilets clog so easily...

13. Asians are bad drivers? Black people love chicken? The things you learn in the US...

14. Y'all are obsessed with race and stereotypes.

Via imgur.com

15. Didn't know I'd be categorized by my skin color. Didn't know I'd have to specify that on forms.

Via quora.com

16. Who exactly came up (and decided to keep) miles, inches, feet, ounces, and cups?

17. Forks were not invented to cut. You know, there's knives for that.

18. Free refills? Hell yeah.

19. Free water in restaurants? Woohoo!

20. No ice, please.

21. That's too spicy. Can't eat that.

22. What will I do with 20 ketchup and hot sauce packages? But hey, at least I don't have to pay for them.

23. What the F you mean you've never traveled out of your state?

24. Fluency in 3 languages? No, it's not that special.

25. Southern Hospitality really is a thing.

26. Did you just ask me if we have Internet in Germany?

27. No, I'm not a Nazi.

28. My last name is Schlueter. No, it's not pronounced shoulder or Schuttler.

29. When you rightfully complain about 300 Euros for tuition in Germany, but then you find out about the fees in the US...

30. Only in this country there's a dog named "Trigger" shooting its owner in the foot!

31. Your cops need better training.

32. I can only drive in this lane if I have someone else in the car?

33. I'll drive for 9 hours and will still be in the same state? Back in Germany, I could have passed through 2-3 countries!

34. I've never paid so much for decent cheese!

Via cbc.ca

35. Last call? What's that? Oh. At 1.30 a.m.?! I was just getting started.

36. You can't drink in public? But you can carry around your gun and shoot anyone on your property. Ok.

37. I'm a German and I don't drink beer. Sorry to disappoint. Oh, and I also don't wear Lederhosen.

38. What did I do to be called "sweetie," "honey," "darling?"

39. Your parties really are like the ones we see on movie screens!

40. People are really drinking out of blue and red cups! Just like in the movies! That is so cool!

Via slate.com

41. Oh! This is the place from XYZ movie!

42. How much are you charging for an emergency room visit?!

43. No bakeries and butchers in every town? What am I going to eat all day?

44. Your McDonald's = stomach cramps, vomiting, diarrhea

45. Censorship. LOL.

46. How do you survive on 5 (or even less) vacation days per year?

47. I can't drink with my 18 year old cousin or even take her to the bar?

48. I can go shopping at 3 a.m. if I need to? YES!

49. This medicine knocked me out! And I got it over the counter? Damn!

50. Fourth of July and Thanksgiving are awesome! But you still don't have enough holidays.

51. Tacos as a late night snack? Where are all my Döner kebabs at? What do you mean you don't know what that is?

52. Customer service? Didn't know that existed before I came here.

53. Watching the soccer world championship in the US was probably the worst idea ever.

54. Apple products/Nike/Levis/Converse are so cheap here!

55. I don't have to pay to use the bathroom? YAS.

56. Why is there a mattress on the freeway?

57. Your traffic lights are on the other side!

58. How's getting your driver's license so cheap? Oh yeah. Neither 20 theoretical nor 25 practical lessons.

59. You can't drive stick shift?

60. Salty butter? Sweet bread? Sins.

61. I miss Kinder!

62. Never lived in a house with 9 different nationalities before, but this is awesome!

63. I just met you. How am I already at your house party?

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