I don't know if you've heard of the subreddit called Am I the Asshole?, but it always has me like:
Recently, a man wondered if he was an asshole for asking his girlfriend to limit her eating, and I MUST know what y'all think.
Here's the situation, as told by the boyfriend, u/foodormoney:
"I know the title sounds bad, but this is a pretty specific situation, so please hear me out. I (26M) have been dating a woman we will call Ashley (26F) for about 3 months. Ashley grew up financially well off and relatively privileged, and it has been a point of friction in our relationship with her not understanding/grasping the level of poverty I and my family grew up with. It is also relevant to this story that Ashley is a heavier person and is a very vocal advocate for body positivity and will very assertively stand up to anyone fat-shaming herself or others."
"The other person who is relevant to this story is my grandma (70). My grandmother is a wonderful woman, but she is both very proud and very broke. She likes to have us over for dinner and is an excellent cook, but financially, she can't really afford it. She refuses to take any money from me or anyone else and won't let anyone bring food, saying it's her responsibility to take care of the family. She also takes offense if you turn down the invitation."
"About a month ago, we had dinner with her, and Ashley liked the food so much she went back for second and third large portions. This is not done in my family; we all take a single small portion, as the leftovers are what my grandmother has to eat for the week, so Ashley taking more meant my grandmother didn't eat for the next couple days."
"After the dinner, I explained this to Ashley, and she was shocked. I tried to bring my grandmother food, but she refused the 'charity' out of pride."
"My grandmother has invited us to dinner again this weekend. Before we go, I tried to have a discussion with Ashley reiterating my grandmothers financial situation and asking that she try to only take a single smaller portion so my grandmother can have food for the week. I said we could go eat again after the meal if she was still hungry. Ashley got very angry at this and said 'she will NOT be shamed for her eating, she will NOT limit her food, and that NO ONE other than her decides when she's had "enough" food.' She also said I was fat-shaming her."
"This whole ordeal has highlighted a lot of incompatibility issues, and I don't know if the relationship is going to last, but just want some other opinions on if I'm the asshole. AITA for asking my gf to limit her eating?"
I don't know about you, but I definitely was not expecting that. People in the comments certainly weren't either.
Nearly everyone in the responses believed that the boyfriend was not the asshole in this situation, including a user who goes by u/ZampyZero:
"She's literally taking food out of your grandma's mouth. The fact that she still has attitude after you explained the situation. She's a massive asshole. NTA. Dump her."
Another user, who goes by u/goodstuff2020 offered a similar sentiment and pointed out how selfish the girlfriend was being:
"If she doesn't care about an older lady who is being very kind and generous (warning there!), then she should at least care that this is an important person to OP (additional warning!). Two very bad signs."
Some people started to become suspicious of why the boyfriend didn't alert the girlfriend of the circumstances before they ate the first meal, to which they later clarified:
"A lot of people are asking why I didn't tell my gf before the first meal. To be frank, I didn't think of it. It hadn't occurred to me that someone would go to someone else's house and eat two day's worth of food in a sitting."
Others in the comments sided with the boyfriend, and even offered some advice, including someone who goes by u/LockOk2519:
"I think you need to just bluntly reiterate that you are NOT fat-shaming her. This is not about her weight or getting her to be skinnier. This is about your grandmother being able to survive," they said.
"Not everything is about her and her weight issues. Yes, fat-shaming is very wrong and should be shut down immediately, but this is not about that. It’s about being considerate to others and thinking of others. You are not her enemy trying to bring her down. You are on her team here and just looking out for the wellbeing of your grandmother."
And another person, who goes by u/TotallyWonderWoman, raised a possible explanation about why the girlfriend acted in the way that she did:
"What people in the comments seem to be misunderstanding is since she's bigger and has not struggled with poverty, she's not used to people telling her not to eat for financial reasons. I would bet anything that the only comments she's ever gotten to not eat seconds is because of her weight."