There's a subreddit called Am I The Asshole? and some of the posts are so outlandish they're hilarious.
A popular post from two years ago has recently resurfaced, and it just felt too good not to share. Basically, this guy noticed his lactose intolerant roommate was stealing from him, so he tricked him into drinking dairy milk in hopes of exposing him and teaching him a lesson.
"Me and 2 other guys share an apartment together and we split all the bills. The only thing we don’t split costs on is groceries. Everyone’s in charge of buying their own food and we don’t touch whatever doesn’t belong to us in the fridge. We put our names on everything so no one gets mixed up."
"This issue has been going on almost a year and I’m sick of it."
"One of my roommates, R, keeps stealing my food. I get home from work and containers with my leftovers are sometimes missing (they have my name written on it), or my stuff finishes too quick. My gallon of milk for example. I buy almond milk because I like the taste. But it seems to finish after a week even though I’ve only drank once or twice."
"I confronted R about this lots of times and that’s caused a lot of arguments. He outright denies it and tells me I’m crazy even though it’s so obvious."
"My other roommate and I carpool together because we both work the same early morning shifts around the same area so I know it’s not him. It’s always after we get back home and R’s already left for work that I notice my food’s gone. My roommate’s also had a similar problem but not as often as I do. I’m guessing cause R doesn’t like what he buys."
"The funny thing is R buys a lot for himself and is even more stingy about his food. He will literally point out what’s his when he comes back from grocery shopping and tells us not to touch it."
"Last week, my milk was nearly empty again and I got fed up. I went to the liquor store and bought regular dairy milk. I drank what was left of my almond milk and refilled the gallon with the one I bought. This was to catch/prove R is the one stealing since he’s lactose intolerant."
"The next day, Saturday, we get back from work and R is pissed. He yelled at me that he was stuck in the bathroom for 40 mins with diarrhea because of my milk; he was using it to make a shake. I only responded with 'So then you’re the one who’s been stealing?'"
"He freaking exploded. Yeah he admitted he was 'sometimes' drinking my milk and eating my food but he was more mad that I switched milks than the fact that he was caught. I told him I wouldn’t have done that if he’d just stopped taking my stuff from the fridge or at least told the truth instead of tryna make it seem like I was making it up."
"My roommate backed me up and thought it was kinda funny he got payback for stealing from us. It’s a little tense right now and my roommate told me R is trying to convince him to agree to kick me out. Little does he know we’re both looking to move somewhere else together cause we are sick of his shit."
"I told some buddies what happened and a few think I was an asshole for that. I feel like I’m not in the wrong here. He was taking my food and not even owning up to it and I wanted to prove it, does that make me the asshole?"
Now, maybe I shouldn't be laughing, but I am.
It seemed like nearly everyone in the comments section thought it was funny too.
One person, who goes by u/chuckiebronzo, gave their take.
"Not the asshole. As someone who IS lactose intolerant I would have done the same thing as that. It's hilarious revenge. Fuck R."
Someone else, who goes by u/hcp56, concurred.
"NTA. It’s your food," they said.
"You could have put your medicine in it. You could have put a laxative in it or even syrup of ipecac. And I would still say not the asshole. When people steal food, lie about it and don’t replace it, they reap what they sow. Food is expensive, especially milk substitutes. Without replacing the food, he was essentially stealing money from your wallet."
And finally, another person with the username u/BojacksHorseman told u/gottmilk_ they didn't punish the roommate as harshly as they should've.
"Not the asshole, but I'd go one step further: make all your food with dairy so whatever he steals makes him sick," they said. "I'd go full punishment on him."