Recently, I saw that a wife wondered if she was in the wrong for asking her husband to move back in with his parents, and the circumstances that led her to do so were just too surreal not to share.
"My husband (32) and I (30) have been married for just over a year now, and things couldn’t be rockier."
"I have a good job and make a decent amount of money, whereas my husband made not as much as me. Due to this, and the fact he was still living with his parents when we got married, we decided he would move in with me and I would continue to pay the rent and bills as long as he put money toward other things we may need as a couple. My name is the only one on the lease."
She continued, "However, once we got married, he started to cut down on his work hours without saying anything first. He gave the explanation that I made plenty of money for the both of us, so he could just work part time and do the work around the house while I was the main breadwinner. I was fine with this — a little upset that he had just assumed this would be okay, but I didn’t say anything, as this felt fair."
"He did do some work around the house initially but spent the majority of his time going out to the bar, playing video games, etc., to the point where I was the one both working and doing the cooking, cleaning, and other household chores."
"My husband told me he was laid off two months ago for reasons out of his control. I assumed in this time that he would begin job hunting, and I began to pay for everything."
The wife explained, "While I do earn a decent amount of money, it’s not to the point where I can pay for rent, bills, groceries, insurance, contribute to emergency savings, and finance the lifestyle my husband had started indulging in. I began paying for his nights out, subbing him money for trips to look for work, etc., all while I was under the assumption he would be searching for a new job — at least to finance his hobbies."
"About a week ago, I asked him how the job hunt was going, and he told me that he didn’t feel like it was worth it. He said to me that he was comfortable with what we had now, and I wasn’t happy, to say the least."
"I confronted him about how I was doing everything to finance and take care of our household while he sat around and played video games (I was being an ass here, I’ll admit), and during this argument he let slip that he had actually quit and never looked for another job. I was furious that he had lied to me, and told him I didn’t want him in my home right now."
"Fast-forward to now — my in-laws are understanding to an extent but are calling me an asshole for not wanting him to come back home until he gets a job. I have seen my husband during this time, but never in our home, always out somewhere. I no longer pay for everything, and his attitude toward me is making me question our entire relationship."
"He’s calling me an asshole for doing this to him, and I’m beginning to think he’s right. Am I an asshole?"
I don't know about y'all, but that had me in shock.
And it sounds like redditors were in disbelief as well.
Nearly everyone in the comments reassured the wife that she wasn't the asshole in the situation, including user u/soundslikemahnamahna, who said:
"Good grief, the amount of marinara here is ridiculous. He cut down his hours without discussing it. He quit his job and lied about it. He spends his time partying with his buddies and having you foot the bill. He lied about job searching. He won't help keep up the household. Sounds like only seeing him in passing is best. Don't let him back into the house unless you just want a mooch, lazy, roommate that won't pay rent."
Another user, who goes by u/whatdreadhand2, concurred.
"If the situations were reversed and he was here, we'd be calling you a gold digger."
And someone else, u/Proud_Drawing5898, raised an excellent point about why the husband's parents were so upset.
"The only reason his parents are upset with OP is because they finally got him out of their house, and now he’s back. OP should take this as a sign and tell him to stay there!"
Other users, like u/car55tar5, offered the wife some advice.
"Your husband is totally taking advantage of you. He didn't give you any choice in any of this — he just made decisions and forced you to go along with them.
"Divorce him. He's literally dead weight, and you're better off without him."
And finally, someone else, who goes by u/Warm-Acadia-1892, added on to the previous bit of guidance.
"I would ask about an annulment instead of a divorce. At this point, it's as if he married her under false pretenses. His intention was always to quit his job and not work."