We hope you love the products we recommend! Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales from the links on this page.
1. This facial fitness flapper that's like a Shake Weight but for your mouth.
Most promising review!?!?: "I like it, but I don't know if it works." —Amazon Customer
Flap one from Amazon for $140.
2. A shockingly accurate pillow for your significant other.
Most promising review!?!?: "I got this as a gag gift for my boyfriend — we're in a long-distance relationship and this only made sense. I got it in about a week (very happy about that) and the quality is okay, no complaints. Although I find it extremely strange that the Boyfriend Pillow has a shirt and THIS doesn't... and the yellow hand... why? Nonetheless, I put my own shirt on this beauty and she looks ready to cuddle. Can't wait to see my boyfriend's reaction! :D" —Tatiana
Snuggle one from Amazon for $41.
3. For the adventurous urbanites, a field identification guide to those that have been lost.
Most promising review!?!??: "To my great dismay, I was unable to find a field guide for stray shopping carts specifically for the western US. After reading the reviews here, I decided my best bet was to try this book and see if I could adapt it for use in the Pacific States. I'm happy to report that it took very little effort to do so." —Silea
Discover one from Amazon for $14.
4. If you have a sagging problem, look no further than The Ball Lifter.
Most promising review!?!?: "I like this thing because it keeps my nuts up front. I bought it because I always sit on my nuts and it hurts like hell. This thing solves that problem for me very nicely." —Bill Lunsford
Lift one from Amazon for $17.
5. A mushroom hat that's being advertised by one of the most terrifying models of all time.
Most promising review!?!?: "It came with the guy in the picture. He defecated on my lawn and stole my neighbor's car. Totally ruined my day." —Aaron Harmonson
Scare one from Amazon for $24.
6. Keep your pup nice and fluffy after a bath with a dog drying bag.
Most promising review!?!?!?: "Gave this as a Christmas gift to my friend who has two little Yorkies. They LOVED it. Both usually get really scared during the entire bath process and the hair dryer scares them... BUT with the Puff-n-Fluff, they felt cozy and warm; one of them even laid down while she had it on. They were both dry within minutes! Great product, worth buying!" —Amazon Customer
Fluff one from Amazon for $50.
7. Succumb to feeling Canadian with a refreshing blast from some of this breath spray.
8. This Pot o' Gold cookie cutter that is definitely a dick.
9. This toilet poncho to save you from your worst nightmares.
10. Release all your pent up rage into a scream jar.
![Most promising review!?!?!?: "I had too much anger for this size of vase. Please make a bigger vase." —Carter Andrews[Blank] one from Amazon for $57.](https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2017-03/17/14/asset/buzzfeed-prod-fastlane-02/sub-buzz-4771-1489773749-1.jpg)
Most promising review!?!?!?: "I had too much anger for this size of vase. Please make a bigger vase." —Carter Andrews
[Blank] one from Amazon for $57.
11. Send a message to anyone in the world on a potato.
Most promising review!?!?!?!?: "This was the funniest thing for my kids to get in the mail! Loved it and they froze it to make it last forever. Thank you guys so much!!😆😎" —Amazon Customer
Spud one from Amazon for $8.
12. This wall mural that appears to be a nun performing fellatio on a unicorn.
Most promising review!?!?!?: "I might buy this again." —Amber Chase (Verified Purchase)
Mast one from Amazon for $30.
13. This anatomically correct whale dildo to make you realize that your own fetishes pale in comparison.
Most promising review??!?!?!: "Most impressive, partner loved this item." —Martha Walker
Harpoon one from Amazon for $57.
14. This nutty heart-shaped bike light to draw attention from every passing car.
Most promising review!?!?!??: "Heart shaped." —Dawn M. Uebelhart
Sack one from Amazon for $7.
15. Have you ever just wanted to know what it's like to get a blow job by a fish? For a small price, you can find out for yourself.
Most promising review?!?!?!?: "I thought this would be funny to give to my husband. He loves to fish. We have a great sex life, but sometimes I travel and sometimes I'm 'not in the mood.' We are married, it happens. I don't get jealous over plastic toys or movies. If it starts to become a problem we would discuss it, but this is not his first 'male pleasure toy.' I have them — so why can't he?" —BlessedChick
Fish one from Amazon for $13.
16. Fine art can now be printed on a coffee mug, everyone go home.
Twerk one from Amazon for $15.
17. A texturized "massage glove" that's here to enhance your love life and high-fives.
