Can You Get Through This Post Without Spending $50?
A cat-collar shirt, squeezable pea pod, and stripping sloth: How far can *you* get without buying something?
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Welcome to another edition of “Can You Get Through This Post Without Spending $50?”
I am your host, Jeff. I’m back yet again this week for the second time in a row! The game is simple. Try to make it through this entire post without buying something.
Don’t plan to buy anything? That’s OK! Stay and enjoy my groanworthy jokes! I italicize each pun for maximum cringe.
Come up with a better pun? Post in the comments! I DO READ ALL THE COMMENTS!
DANGER! THERE MIGHT BE SOME PUNS AHEAD! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! GOOD LUCK, ALL! 😀
1. A shirt with a sleeping cat around the collar for adorning your neck in cute comfort.
Cat collar?! I hardly know her!
Get it from Amazon for $18 (available in sizes S to XL and in more ~cattier~ colors, pink and navy).
2. A neck support pillow to stop your head from flopping around while traveling.
So that sleeping won't be such a plane in the neck.
Get it from Amazon for $19.
3. A seductive enamel pin your friends will want to steal from you.
With this you'll be a...Newman. Or newwoman. I don't know who you are on the internet.
Get it from Amazon for $10.
4. A USB flash drive that displays how much space is left on it.
You might say these USB puns...drive you crazy?
Get it from Amazon for $15 (available in 16/32/64 GB).
5. A stripping-sloth T-shirt to bewilder and intrigue you.
For when you get slothed on the weekends.
Get it from Amazon for $25 (available in sizes S to 3XL).
6. A folding chair with an integrated cooler pouch to keep your Capri Suns at the perfect temperature.
It's literally a cool chair.
Get it from Amazon for $24 (available in black, gray, blue, and red).
7. Potato skewers that'll have your spuds baked and given an occupation.
I yam pretty sure potatoes can't hold jobs like these.
Get them from Amazon for $7.
9. Shelves that'll turn your favorite books into hangable works of art.
Best to use books that will leave you hanging.
Get them from Amazon $28.
10. A sling toilet paper stand that can also hold your magazines and books.
Perfect for any living shit-uation.
Get it from Amazon for $25.
11. A squeezable edamame pea pod you can pop endlessly.
12. A hedgehog table brush that's bristlingly cute.
I don't see what the point is of it being hedgehog shaped, but I'm glad it is.
Get it from Amazon for $14.
13. A wood paper towel holder for making tearing off a single sheet easier.
It makes for a tearable experience.
Get it from Amazon for $37.
14. A narwhal night-light to spear you with cuteness.
Seems gnarly.
Get it from Amazon for $17 (available in purple, pink, and white).
15. Cat-butt coasters that are nothing butt cute.
I've heard of rump roasts, but this is just ridiculous.
Get them from BrenleyCreations on Etsy for $12.
16. A superhero bookend to save your novels from peril.
Keeps all your superhero graphic novels from flying off.
Get it from Amazon for $29.
17. A hot-dog-dog mug that's not subtle at all in its meaning.
But if you get two of them you might break the universe. It'll be a para-dachs.
Get it from FourLetterWordCards on Etsy for $20.
Here is where we part ways.
But there is always last week's edition that you can find here.