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Welcome to another edition of “Can You Get Through This Post Without Spending $50?”
I am your host, Jeff. I’m back yet again this week for the second time in a row! The game is simple. Try to make it through this entire post without buying something.
Don’t plan to buy anything? That’s OK! Stay and enjoy my groanworthy jokes! I italicize each pun for maximum cringe.
Come up with a better pun? Post in the comments! I DO READ ALL THE COMMENTS!
DANGER! THERE MIGHT BE SOME PUNS AHEAD! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! GOOD LUCK, ALL! 😀
1. A shirt with a sleeping cat around the collar for adorning your neck in cute comfort.
Cat collar?! I hardly know her!
Get it from Amazon for $18 (available in sizes S to XL and in more ~cattier~ colors, pink and navy).
2. A neck support pillow to stop your head from flopping around while traveling.
So that sleeping won't be such a plane in the neck.
Get it from Amazon for $19.
3. A seductive enamel pin your friends will want to steal from you.
With this you'll be a...Newman. Or newwoman. I don't know who you are on the internet.
Get it from Amazon for $10.
4. A USB flash drive that displays how much space is left on it.
You might say these USB puns...drive you crazy?
Get it from Amazon for $15 (available in 16/32/64 GB).
5. A stripping-sloth T-shirt to bewilder and intrigue you.
For when you get slothed on the weekends.
Get it from Amazon for $25 (available in sizes S to 3XL).
6. A folding chair with an integrated cooler pouch to keep your Capri Suns at the perfect temperature.
It's literally a cool chair.
Get it from Amazon for $24 (available in black, gray, blue, and red).
7. Potato skewers that'll have your spuds baked and given an occupation.
I yam pretty sure potatoes can't hold jobs like these.
Get them from Amazon for $7.
8. A shark mug with a cookie compartment to keep them warm.
9. Shelves that'll turn your favorite books into hangable works of art.
Best to use books that will leave you hanging.
Get them from Amazon $28.
10. A sling toilet paper stand that can also hold your magazines and books.
Perfect for any living shit-uation.
Get it from Amazon for $25.
11. A squeezable edamame pea pod you can pop endlessly.
12. A hedgehog table brush that's bristlingly cute.
I don't see what the point is of it being hedgehog shaped, but I'm glad it is.
Get it from Amazon for $14.
13. A wood paper towel holder for making tearing off a single sheet easier.
It makes for a tearable experience.
Get it from Amazon for $37.
14. A narwhal night-light to spear you with cuteness.
Seems gnarly.
Get it from Amazon for $17 (available in purple, pink, and white).
15. Cat-butt coasters that are nothing butt cute.
I've heard of rump roasts, but this is just ridiculous.
Get them from BrenleyCreations on Etsy for $12.
16. A superhero bookend to save your novels from peril.
Keeps all your superhero graphic novels from flying off.
Get it from Amazon for $29.
17. A hot-dog-dog mug that's not subtle at all in its meaning.
But if you get two of them you might break the universe. It'll be a para-dachs.
Get it from FourLetterWordCards on Etsy for $20.
Here is where we part ways.
But there is always last week's edition that you can find here.
