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Welcome to another edition of “Can You Get Through This Post Without Spending $50?”
The game is simple. Try to make it through this entire post without buying something.
Don’t plan to buy anything? That’s OK! Stay and enjoy my groanworthy jokes! I italicize each pun for maximum cringe, AND BECAUSE I WOULD REALLY HATE IT IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS GETTING AT. If we had the ability to highlight words at BuzzFeed, I would.
Come up with a better pun? Post in the comments! I DO READ ALL THE COMMENTS, EVEN THE COMMENTS FROM PEOPLE WHO SERIOUSLY HATE ON THIS POST! And it's ok. I write this series to have fun and don't take it personally.
DANGER! THERE MIGHT BE SOME PUNS AHEAD! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! GOOD LUCK, ALL! 😀
1. This Monty Python Silly Walk watch that'll tell you the time with legs that appear to break themselves every hour.
I've been told to break a leg, but this is just ridiculous.
Get it from Amazon for $40.
2. A plush Mario coin box with a storage compartment to hold all your mushrooms and fire flowers.
Keep all your...boos in there.
Get it from Amazon for $13.
3. This magnetic stove shelf sticks onto your range to create more space.
It comes in a range of colors, as well.
Get them from Amazon for $40 (available in black, stainless, and white).
4. A set of rug corners to stop that curling bullshit they do after awhile.
It'll make your rug more...rugged.
Get it from Amazon for $12+ (available in 4-pack or 8-pack).
5. These sequin pillows with a satisfying texture that lets you draw on them.
These pillow puns are gonna be so badly, I'm gonna be a-rest-ed...dude.
Get it from Amazon for $8 (available in 13 color combinations).
6. This pack of sand coasters to hold your precious snacks and drinks away from the grit.
Keep a coaster on your skateboard near the beach. So you can coast on your coaster near the coast.
Get a 4-pack from Amazon for $13 (available in 15 colors).
7. A set of YogaToes to help you fight hammer toe and other types of foot pain while doing your daily routine.
These will toe-tally keep you on your toes.
Get a pair from Amazon for $37 (available in extra small and small sizes).
8. These flavored toothpicks to add a lasting touch after a satisfying meal.
9. This library kit for the bibliophile who loves to keep track of their book lending.
Perhaps you should, I dunno...check it out?
Get it from Amazon for $10.
10. These cute correction tape pens to charmingly cover your mistakes.
I'm sure your interest in puns has tape...red off by now.
Get a two-pack from Amazon for $14.
11. This magnetic drawing board that'll add a tactile dimension to your art.
You can only draw attractive things with it.
Get it from Amazon for $25.
12. A grocery bag dispenser to sort out that huge collection you have taking up your drawers.
It's literally a mixed bag of usefulness.
Get it from Amazon for $15.
13. This set of interlocking discs that'll allow you to make all sorts of sculptures and scenes.
Enter a world of disc-overy and disc-ussion.
Get a set of 500 from Amazon for $17.
14. A silicone shower organizer for holding your toothbrush, razor, and small articles for safe keeping.
Organizer?! I hardly know her!
Get it from Amazon for $16 (available in five colors).
15. This steel compost bin with a charcoal filter to keep the smell down from your kitchen scraps.
This product is kinda degrading, honestly.
Get it from Amazon for $26.
16. This canvas and leather toiletry bag that'll hold it all and look sharp as fuck.
Canvas AND leather? How per-sueding.
Get it from Amazon for $45.
17. A small trailer hitch vault you can use to hide keys or other valuables.
I hear the installation will go without a hitch!
HITCH-HIKERS LOVE IT! There you go, there's an extra gem for you.
Get it from Amazon for $48.
While we have reached the end, it's important that the spirit of the post carries on in pin form:
