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1. Make your sign short and clear. Bad: “Trump is a threat to our democracy and the values we hold dear!” Good: “TRUMP → TINY DICK”
2. If a Trump supporter hits on you during the parade, make a connection! Give him your number to Planned Parenthood.
3. If a Trump supporter hits you during the parade, remember: murder *may* be legal after Jan. 20. Here's hoping!
4. Bring lots of water. It is difficult to quench the thirst for justice.
5. Do NOT engage with anti-protesters. This includes throwing at them bags of dog poop labeled “Gluten-free”.
6. Before the march, visit a doctor who does hair restoration. Get 100 of her business cards. Pass them out to skinheads.
7. Hey, 420 fans! “When they go low, we go high” does not mean what you think it means.
8. When talking to the media, ensure your eloquent message will be heard by ending it with “Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump.”
9. If you encounter the police, make sure to show respect. Put your shoes on your hands, stand on your hands, and say with your butt, “What seems to be the problem, officer?”
10. Stay awake the next 4 years. Or it'll become 8.
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