22 Things That 100% Happen When You Get A Slow Cooker
No matter how hard you clean the tub, you will always miss a spot.
1. You will be weirdly afraid of it for the first week or so and just not touch it, instead choosing to re-read the manual over and over so that you don’t mess your first attempt up.
2. Despite all your intensive research, you will make a lot of soupy, watery foods at first because you forgot that the liquid increases while the food is cooking.
3. You will then have stuff that burns because you started to use too little liquid just in case it goes soupy.
4. You will religiously follow food bloggers called things like "Mable’s Home Treats" because they have all the best slow cooker recipes.
5. You will briefly consider setting up your own Mable’s Home Treats-style blog to document your cooking adventures.
6. You will make so much chill. Incredible amounts of chilli.
7. You’ll start to think that maybe you could make slow cooked hot chocolates and cakes and ciders..and make more chilli instead.
8. You’ll panic every time you leave the house with it turned on, and indulge in tragic fantasies in which your house is in ashes, all because you wanted to make pulled pork.
9. You will become like a bird protecting their nest whenever anyone tries to open it too early because keeping the heat in it is very important okay?
10. But will also try to squint through the condensed glass lid because you know you’re not supposed to peek but you just can’t help it!
11. 11. The slow cooker tub will never be truly clean, even when you have scrubbed with all your power and soap suds are running down your shirt from how enthusiastically you cleaned it.
12. You’ll feel slightly disgusted by the condensation that builds up on the lid and then a little more sick when you see some of it drip back into the food.
13. And the first time cooking chicken in it, you will find it weird and unnatural to plop some raw chicken in a tub covered in a bit of sauce and water even when the results are actually very delicious.
14. You’ll start off with humble hopes of perhaps making a stew in it before getting very ambitious and looking up whether you can make a whole rotisserie chicken in one.
15. You will never make rotisserie chicken.
16. Your autocomplete will frequently show “slow cooker recipes for..” followed by things that maybe shouldn't ever be slow cooked, like an ice cream cake.
17. One day you'll be so enthusiastic you'll try to make ALL three meals in it one day, even if it would be quicker to make some toast for breakfast.
18. You'll cook vegetables in it too, learning quickly that they practically dissolve unless you put them in towards the end
19. You will try to take a picture of your food in the slow cooker so you can show off both your cooking AND your appliance, and then get upset that no amount of brightness adjusting will do your dhal justice.
20. Any time you have to actually cook without it, it will feel like you have been transported back to the Medieval times.
21. You will tell people that you slow cook anything in it and when they reply “really, anything?” you’ll say “ANYTHING!” but then they’ll mention one food that you actually can't make in it, like pizza, and you'll have to admit they're right.
22. But you will point out that you can make a really, really good chilli.