back to top

7 Illustrated Stories That Show Just How Gross Girls Can Be

"My house doesn't have an inside toilet, so I have a jug that I pee in every night." From A Girl's Guide to Personal Hygiene.

Posted on

You've probably heard the joke that "girls don't poop," but an illustrated book of mini stories and essays called A Girl's Guide to Personal Hygiene shows they most definitely do — along with many grosser things as well.

Artist Tallulah Pomeroy asked her friends to share their most "unladylike" habits in a Facebook group, which quickly became filled with submissions, and then illustrated their stories for the book.

Like this one about smelling underwear.

Tallulah Pomeroy / Soft Skull Press

"I like smelling my knickers when I'm sat on the toilet. Mainly because every time I get thrush or something, the doctor asks me if my discharge smells strange. So if I'm always checking, I'll know when something's up. Clever me."

Or this one about peeing in a jug.

Tallulah Pomeroy / Soft Skull Press

"My house doesn't have an inside toilet, so I have a jug that I pee in every night and sometimes in the morning. I pour it on some plants and leave it to dry during the day. When I'm on my period it's red pee, which is fun."

Or this particularly gross account of an incident involving armpit hair and a toothbrush.

Tallulah Pomeroy / Soft Skull Press

"Sometimes I trim my armpit hair over the sink and it goes on my toothbrush, which is also lying on the sink's rim and already has a little pea of toothpaste on it, and then it sticks on the toothbrush, but one time I had run out of toothpaste and it had been a big effort to squeeze some out, so I just brushed my teeth with the hair glued onto the toothpaste."

The stories cover everything from poop...

Tallulah Pomeroy / Soft Skull Press

"I quite often get trapped wind, and I find the best method to ease it out is to go into the bathroom, put my bare bum in the air, and wriggle it about a bit. Once, I did this, and on releasing a fabulous fart, I looked down and saw a tiny pea-size poo on the floor. I think I was a bit drunk. I just remember laughing at it for ages before I picked it up with loo roll." periods...

Tallulah Pomeroy / Soft Skull Press

"After twelve years of periods, I still have trouble with not leaking on fresh white sheets, which is especially unladylike when you're a guest. So a couple of years ago I came up with this neat trick where I roll up a square of loo roll and stick it in between my butt cheeks. Works so well I feel like it should be a marketed product. Stuff ya cheeks, save ya sheets!"

And, of course, vaginal discharge.

Tallulah Pomeroy / Soft Skull Press

"After wearing undies all day, sometimes my pubes can get crusted up with some of that discharge. So I just go ahead and pick that off at the end of the day.

"I recently had a particularly stubborn case of bacterial vaginosis. It was bad timing — I'd met someone new and we'd started sleeping together, and all of a sudden I smelled like the bottom of a bin. I explained about my 'delicate ecosystem,' but a course of antibiotics failed to clear it up. One day, sad and smelly, I sat on the loo and felt something coming out of my body. My first thought was PROLAPSE! because this is one of my deepest fears. But when I reached inside, I felt not my internal organs but the source of my BV: a slimy old tampon. My period had finished two weeks before.

"When I held it up to inspect, I felt that mix of horror and pride we feel when something appalling comes out of our own body."