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26 Tweets About Sex That Will Make You Laugh Every Time

"Sex is like pizza, if you're going to use BBQ sauce you better know what the fuck you're doing."

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Boy do I love sex. Really love putting my penis into some *looks at smudged writing on hand* verguba


Me: Netflix & chill? Her: sure [later that night] Her: so you don't have Netflix? Me [pulling out 20 condoms]: I don't have chill either


{Goes to buy Virgin Airlines ticket} "Can I buy one even if I've done sex?" Um. Yes sir "Cause I have" Okay "I've done all of it" Please go


"yes I'm very good in bed" *folds blanket and neatly props up pillow* *pillow falls over* "Oh no, this doesn't normally happen I swear"


[sex] HER: talk confusedly to me ME: what HER: oh fuck yeah


Sex is like pizza, if you're going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck you're doing


sex is cool but have u ever had garlic bread


[trying not to think about Sonic The Hedgehog during sex] Her: faster! faster! Me: oh god no


*in the middle of sex "Go deeper" Okay *pulls out* *sits in a chair and sips coffee* *opens poetry book* Two roads diverged in a wood and I-


woops did i leave both of my bowling trophies in my hands during sex again that's embarrassing


Just once I'd like to see a movie sex scene be accurate. You know, him having a hard time getting her off then giving up.


My favorite sex position? Boy there's so many to choose from. Ha Ha. *starts sweating* I'd have to pick, um, reverse...shortstop? I gotta go


Every text conversation feels like bad sex where one person doesn't get to finish


What idiot called it "leaving right after sex" and not "nuts and bolts"?


*during sex* just close your eyes and imagine the way I look on Instagram


Cake is better than sex because I can remember the last time I had cake.


*has sex with you* *declines your FB friend request*


girl your body is a temple. but it’s the water temple from Zelda so once I’m in there I have no idea what to do


son, ur 2 now - old enuff for the talk. see, sex is a lot like a ocean - im drownin in it. lol now put ur hand up this is called a high five


[after having sex for first time] HER: was that not the best thing ever? ME: *remembering when my car hit 42069 miles* its up there for sure


[high school sex ed class] *scoffs* When are we ever going to use this in real life


Welcome to Sexual Innuendo Club. Thank you all for coming.


Sex is a sacred, beautiful thing and you should wait to have it until you're absolutely sure you're horny.


[having sex] Me: Oh ya you like that? Her: Deeper! Me: [baritone voice] OH YA YOU LIKE THAT?


How much for the sex doll? Sir that's a mannequin.. .. How much for the sex mannequin?


Sex jokes aren't funny, I mean cum on people.

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