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Posted on Oct 31, 2015

31 Tweets About McDonald's That'll Make You Laugh Every Time

"Before McDonald's I bet 'don't buy cheeseburgers from a clown' was a pretty hard and fast rule."


[Batman at McDonald's] What's your chicken sandwich called? -A McChicken And the rib? -A McRib [pulls out his batwallet] I like your style.


I'm really not comfortable with McDonald's calling their food list a 'menu'


*at mcdonald's* ME: and one of the happy meal toys CASHIER: for a little boy or girl? ME: *sweating* ME: ... ME: ... ME: yes of course it is


i feel like i'm the mcdonald's fruit & yogurt parfait of humans in that i'm very elegant but misguided


before mcdonald's i bet "don't buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule


The receipt they give you at McDonalds is like a certificate of authenticity for your shame spiral


[McDonalds HQ] "boss I think I finally nailed our new slogan” ok let’s hear it "I’m Likin’ It" Fantastic work! I’m lovin’ it "holy shit"


One of McDonald's mascots is a guy who steals from McDonald's.


[slides briefcase of money across the counter] "two big macs please" [opens briefcase to reveal $7]


Going to walk into McDonald's, gaze at the menu for an uncomfortable amount of time, then say to the cashier, "Tell me about your burgers"


Wait til the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald's find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.


Wife: can you believe some idiot robbed McDonald's for 2,000 chicken nuggets [filling kiddie pool with ranch dressing] unbelievable


McDonalds sponsoring the Olympics is like the Kardashians sponsoring a job fair.


[Wendy and the Burger King having sex] King: You like this? Wendy: I'm loving it! *the Burger King stops* King: What did you just say?


I just had an AMAZING salad at McDonalds. The toppings I chose were 4 big macs & 10 chicken mc nuggets with 9 sweet & sour packs as dressing


It's sad going to McDonald's and finding out that a meal is happier than you.


"I love Justin bieber" Well I love McDonalds but you don't see me making an account pretending to be a chicken nugget do you?


i mean, im not a father but the new hamburglar doesnt exactly scream “let me feed your kids”


McDonald's: I'm lovin' it. Not "loved it," nor "will love it." It exists only for a brief moment, a greasy spark soon extinguished


Me: Where ya wanna eat for your birthday? 5yo: McDonald's M: 5yr olds can think of somewhere better than McDonald's 5: I'll just stay 4 then


giv a man a fish adn he'll say "wat is this i ordered a mcflurry" teach a man to fish adn he'll say "how ar u the manager of this mcdonalds"


ME: [eating McDonald’s] BYSTANDER: Hello, 911? Yeah there’s a guy down here eating a fucking restaurant


"Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern." ~Me at McDonald's on payday.


My McDonald's bag says "How are we doin'?" and I feel personally understood by that company because they removed the G from "doing"


"Welcome to McDonald's, what'll it be?" Jesus whispering "5000 Filet-o-fish, and hurry" "5000 FILETS DAN" J "Shh, keep yr fuckin voice down"


"Soda is back" Only at Mcdonald


There's no better way to explain life to your children than to arrive 5 minutes past the McDonald's breakfast cutoff.


Just ordered 5 items off the McDonalds Cheap Way To Die menu.


[at McDonald’s] WIFE: [furious] They forgot to give us straws again. *I won’t look at her because I am a walrus*


Everyone is asking me HOW I got a honey badger in the McDonald's ball pit, but not WHY I got a honey badger in the McDonald's ball pit


how to go on a date: 1. ask person on date 2. pick restaurant 3. not McDonalds 4. yes nuggets are great 5. ok maybe McDonalds this once