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17 Tweets About Whole Foods That'll Actually Make You Laugh

"This woman at Whole Foods is choosing a bundle of asparagus more carefully than I chose my husband."


robbers stole $60,000 from a NYC Whole Foods. police don't know if the bag of apples and loaf of bread will ever be recovered.


IS THIS A GAY BAR? DID YOU BRING ME TO A GAY BAR, SON? This is whole foods, Dad.


I would be mad at myself for blowing $60 at Whole Foods, but I did get 4 things so


"In which aisle can I find the nunchucks?" "Ma'am, this is a Whole Foods" "Sorry, in which aisle can I find the gluten free nunchucks?"


This woman at Whole Foods is choosing a bundle of asparagus more carefully than I chose my husband.


*walks into Whole Foods* Thank god I found you. The guys across the street are only selling parts of stuff


Whole Foods added a 10 items or less checkout line as if anyone can afford to buy more than 10 items at a Whole Foods.


[whole foods] WHITE GIRL: excus me do u hav pumpkin EMPLOYEE: (hands her a pumpkin) here WHITE GIRL: no no no. PUMPKIN. its a type of spice


I once killed a man in a hit and run but the shame I felt when I told the Whole Foods cashier I didn't bring my own bag can never be matched


[robbing Whole Foods] "All the cash in a bag NOW!" 100% organic reusable bag ok? "Yes!" [puts half the cash] I had to charge for the bag


Got kicked out of Whole Foods for not wearing a tracksuit again


Who called it Whole Foods instead of House of Chards


Whole Foods sells $10 gift cards. The perfect gift for a loved one who wants two onions.


My loan from the bank to buy milk from Whole Foods was approved.


Whole Foods before a snowstorm is upper middle class Thunder Dome.


Whole foods advertising for all your Super Bowl needs is like Barnes & Noble taking care of your bachelor party.


Just told a guy who cut me off in the Whole Foods parking lot to eat a bag of dicks but then thought better of it and added THEY'RE ORGANIC