1.
*in the middle of sex "Go deeper" Okay *pulls out* *sits in a chair and sips coffee* *opens poetry book* Two roads diverged in a wood and I-
2.
I'm sorry Mrs Jackson (ooh) / it's our town's deal / sorry our stones made yr daughter die / but the lottery makes the corn grow high
3.
(WW1 1915) ENGLISH GENERAL: Plan? ENGLISH LIEUTENANT: Well, the trenches can be used to- ENGLISH MAJOR: to symbolise man's emptiness, yes...
4.
Romeo: check out this cat video Juliet: omg dead 😂 Juliet: hello Juliet: romeo Juliet: i didn't mean literally dead Juliet: romeo
5.
*packs 12 books to read on vacation* im gona read so much i cant wait [1 wk later] *opens suitcase* *somhow has 16 unread books now* wat the
6.
[sees girl reading The Catcher in the Rye] "Ah I love that book. The way he just [clenches fist] catches all that frickin rye."
7.
ALL ENGLISH BOOKS "We can't have them over for dinner." "Why ever not?" "The last time they visited, we still had money." Then, the War came
8.
Um... I hate to be a Grammar Nazi, but shouldn't it be... 'The Diary Of *A* Frank'...?
9.
reads book: *favourite character dies* me: maybe if i read this again he won't die this time
10.
If someone says they just love the smell of books, I always want to pull them aside and be like, to be clear, do you know how reading works
11.
I was an English major, in case there's ever an emergency involving a comma.
12.
hey Dickens, were the times good or were they bad, you flip-flopping piece of garbage good-or-bad-times waffling ass motherfucker
13.
Priest: Do you read to your kids from the Good Book? Me: Every night Priest: What's their favorite part? Me: When Frodo destroys the ring
14.
I hope the guy who just cut me off in traffic has his fav book made into a movie & the characters are nothing like he imagined them
15.
JULIET: Wherefore art thou Romeo? ROMEO: *appearing from bush* I am here! ME: *from another bush* Actually, she's asking why, not where.
16.
lol what the fuck are all these books? "Keith, this is the library, man" oh.. *whispers* what the fuck are all these books?
17.
We get it poets: things are like other things
18.
- much ado about nothing - 2 much 2 nothing - much ado 3: toyko drift - much nothing - much 5 - much ado 6 - nothing 7
19.
"My grammar is terrible," I said untruthfully, as I lied on the bed.
20.
At Starbucks I order under the name Godot. Then leave.
21.
I used to love correcting people's grammar until I realized what I loved more was having friends.
22.
"What idiot called it a"-GLAD YOU ASKED ok let's start with what linguists have reconstructed of the proto-Indo-European language and then
23.
If anyone tells you that you have "too many books" it's acceptable to build a #book throne AND RULE FROM IT MAJESTICALLY WITH NO REGRETS.
24.
.@parisreview So is Paris any good or not