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19 Hilarious Tweets About God That'll Make You Laugh Every Time

"I'll bet when Godzilla first came out, God was like 'Damn, that name's way cooler.'"

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GOD: How many more animals left to make? ANGEL: 2 GOD: And how many more legs do we have? ANGEL: 100 CENTIPEDE: dibs! SNAKE: asshole


[god super drunk making humans] LOL what if in childhood they lose all their teeth & then it's like jk here are some new ones



I'll bet when Godzilla first came out, God was like "Damn, that name's way cooler."


Anyone who asks, "Why does God let bad things happen to people" has clearly never purposefully drowned one of their Sims in a pool


Noah: Two? Why two of every animal? [God whispers in Noah's ear] Noah: nice lol


"drink my blood" that's wine dude "eat my flesh" um you're weirding me out "i'm god" this is the worst going away party ever


*Meets god* You're real, eh? *God nods* And you saw all of that? *God nods* ... I'll see myself out



God's Assistant: really? Leather wings on a mouse's body? I think you're just in a bad mood. God: ALSO MAKE IT BLIND AND SCREECHING


JESUS: so I'm u GOD: yes JESUS: and ur me GOD: yes JESUS: I don't get it GOD: I do JESUS: how can one of us get it & not the other GOD: whoa


[God creating the ocean] GOD: Just put water friggin everywhere. ANGEL: Nice, that way if they’re thirsty, they— GOD: Make it undrinkable.


god: u gotta build a boat noah: can't u build ur own boat.. i mean, ur god god: [nervously] no i can i just wanna see if u know how


*Jesus excitedly runs home from school* "dad, dad! I made the football team" *God peers over his newspaper* "well i made FUCKING EVERYTHING"



SATAN: What's that? God: An angel to comfort people. What's that? SATAN: A goat to scare people GOD: Its so cute [Goat screams] GOD: OH DAMN


"Only god can judge me" *god interrupts* -you're a douchebag


[god, creating ducks] Just like put a surfboard mouth on a big pigeon and make it like a loud idiot. I don't know


God: kill your son Abraham: uh...ok God: holy shit I'm jk Abraham: umm... God: I'll probably kill mine tho lol Abraham: wtf?


God: done? Noah: yea G: whats this Noah proudly: a swing set G: u built a park. I asked for an ark N: a what? G: a boat N: say boat then


[god making chimps] GOD: shrink a gorilla & make it smart ANGEL: Ok. And what sound should it make? G: literally just have it fucking scream


@jonnysun GOD: welcom, my son, to my eternal kingdom ME: knew id get here heaventually GOD: that's it. get out. back to hell with u


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