1.
Overheard @ Work Boy 3 "look elves on the shelves!" Sister 6 "they are so cool & magical" Boy goes to Touch the elves Sister 6 slaps away hand "Don't ever touch an Elves on the shelves or Santa will know & he will punish other elves by putting them in a Blender" Me *🙀*
2.
Someone in another department overheard me say “I’m gonna pull a Kanye at the Christmas party if they announce that department wins the tree decorating contest” and then told the head managers. They cancelled the contest.
3.
Overheard during electrostatics lab: "What if Harry Potter was just a world where they didn't really understand how electricity worked." #iteachphysics
4.
“Do you get small intestines AND large intestines? I thought you only got one” Something I genuinely overheard on the bus
5.
Things I've overheard in college: "Could you cry quieter? I'm trying to tell a story" "I'm wearing sweatpants, you can tell that my life is over" "I don't understand, this was supposed to be my year"
6.
Overheard between a 5th grader & my 7 yr old: 5th: "Santa isn't real & neither is the elf on the shelf." 7: "yeah right, then how does the elf move" 5th: "your mom does it while you sleep" 7: "now I know you're lying, my mom is WAY TOO TIRED to do that" #elfontheshelf #parenting
7.
Actual conversation I overheard: Person 1: "I'm running on four hours of sleep" Person 2: "Lucky"
8.
just overheard an old lady on the bus tell her friends “if anyone has anything to say you’d better say it now because i’m gonna take a nap.” this energy!
9.
Overheard: “If Michael Jackson collabed with Migos...” Um, number one: HE WOULD NEVER.
10.
Today at Target I overheard a lady say “this Christmas, Grandma is the name and spoiling is the game” and I would like to adopt her now 👵🏻
11.
#overheard at TJMaxx just now: *lady walks in with her child* *big sigh* I’m home!!
12.
Overheard a lady on the phone say “after all I did for you- after child birth and labor... you can’t wear elf pajamas for a Christmas picture? I don’t think so.” RIP my dude if you don’t wear the elf pajamas
13.
You haven’t lived until you’ve overheard five 4th graders all trying to write and edit the same google doc in which they are collaboratively generating an historical fiction about medieval peasants. “How old is my character!?” “She’s fifty!” “She can’t be fifty, she’d be dead!”
14.
Got to love PhD candidates. Overheard while they were eating bananas in staff tea room. PhD 1: the 2nd banana wasnt as good as the first PhD 2: same here. 2nd one was sweeter but "didnt have the same structural integrity".
15.
OH MY GOD I JUST OVERHEARD SOMEONE ON A PHONE SAY "FEED TWO BIRDS WITH ONE SCONE" THE PETA THING HAS LEGS, PEOPLE!!
16.
Overheard while shopping for a new suit: “Sorry, I need help. I’ve to get a tux for a wedding.” “That’s no problem Sir, when’s the Wedding.” “14:30” “...let’s start over here shall we?”
17.
“Post Malone ... as opposed to Pre Malone?”
18.
Overheard eating dinner with @toph_bbq : "OH HEY, speaking of Chess, guess what I've been playing? ... Well I guess that kinda gives it away but"
19.
Overheard in the Old Navy dressing room: “Mommy you look BEAUTIFUL! You look like a MARTIAN!” All I want in life in is a daughter who hypes me like that
